Meh, this and that and the other thing. You’re used to this. People read this and are not so entertained. It happens.
There are monsters in this world. Not the kind under the bed, those are easily dispatched with a light and some apple juice. There are different monsters, those people who have no moral compass, people sick in their brains, people with minds of rot and disease. The hard part is to remember to be charitable, to extract them from your life while still remembering they need help. I was reminded last night that the most effective way to deal with this is to pray that they get what they need (but not necessarily what they deserve, for that would be a far different line of thinking). I am not a religious person, but I am in some way a spiritual person in that I believe in the importance of ritual as a matter of teaching and rewiring how you perceive.
I have learned to say this prayer:
“So-and-so is a sick motherfucker. Please grant me the same compassion for this person that I would grant for a sick, dying friend. May this so-and-so get everything that they need.”
Many thanks to Laura for her help in this matter. I needed to be reminded that the force you strike with recoils back at you. This is me, sitting calmly, trying hard not to strike back anymore. My reactions will now be that of inaction. I will let them find their own resolution.
I will refocus my energy on my life. On my new life which officially gets underway on Monday afternoon. On my dog and my family and David. On deciding to blaze a trail that is my own.
I will look my enemies in the eye and I will feed them french fries and they will die.

So today I got an email from someone I didn’t particularly want to respond to as I don’t really care for the person. The email asked me the state of an object. I really didn’t want to respond, mostly because it was entirely moot and unimportant but also because I just didn’t care. The only response I could come up with was “I fed it a french fry and it died”.
I didn’t send it. Responses like that would totally get me cemented into the ‘highly crazy’ slot in life and while this is a highly coveted spot, I prefer myself ranked in the ‘slightly less crazy’ field.
It was decided though, that “I fed it a french fry and it died” is the perfect response to almost any “what happened to X?” query.
“What happened to the remote?”
“I fed it a french fry and it died.”
“Where is the bucket I keep under the sink?”
“I fed it a french fry and it died.”
“Have you seen my first edition copy of ‘True Thai’ by Victor Sodsok, I’m sure I left it in the kitchen and now I just don’t see it.”
“I fed it a french fry and it died.”
Semi-relatedly, I’m still not answering my phone very much. It’s not you specifically that I don’t want to talk to, it’s just that I don’t want to be on my phone. Also, I am DEFINITELY not answering any ‘Private Number’ or ‘Unknown Caller’ numbers. Screw you, I don’t like surprises on my phone so unblock your number or leave a message.
Unpacking is coming along steadily. I own more bras that I never wear than almost anyone I know! I’m starting in the back of the house as that is the least overwhelming. The bathroom was super easy. Bedroom is not so bad, I have more clothes than the law allows (even after purging!) so a lot of those will be stored in the dining room closet (weird, I know, but people in the ‘good old days’ apparently never needed closet space.).
Power to the people.

It’s late, i’m tired. I was browsing my stats for this sie since my traffic has jumped 3-fold in the last couple months. Anyway, I can’t stop laughing at the things people search for that send them to me. Note that ‘Sex Position’ ranks higher than the actual name of the website!
* sex position
* velvet cerebellum
* dog coughs
* whitey mcwhiterson
* analworld
* kerry strug pictures
* allintitle cerebellum
* dog cough distemper
* cerebellum pictures
* timex synch outlook
* pics of 3rd degree burned
* evolution of the cerebellum
* velvet gloves
* cerebellum is longer than usual(ha ha ha)
* windy day upskirts
* lingonberry vitamin k
* disadvantages of gigantism
* bathroom with pink tiles
* mel-o-glaze recipe
* shar-pei basset mix
* uncle milton s ant farm club
* cobra eating habits (??????)
* freshwater manatee fart
* stewie toblerone
* pee.spot
* heather
* squishing ants
* bloomington bark park
* formeldehyde dye stuff
My apologies to anyone looking for real information about their brains or cobras or manatees or anal sex.

I’m moved. It’s done. Everything that was mine in the old house is now in my new place. Moving sucks. I hate it. Luckily, I had a ton of fabulous help and I can’t thank my friends and family enough for helping me get everything out.
Currently, there is a tight path surrounded by precariously stacked boxes that goes from the front to the back of my place. On top of everything that I have moved in I’ve had to go to Target to get MORE stuff that I need.
All the moving and coffee and beer and lack of water and lack of healthy food has left me dehydrated to the point where my lips are hugely chapped and my face is flaking. Stupid me. Drink more water, eat more fruit, eat less salt. Just eat healthier!
Speaking of stupid, I trapped my car in my garage! I was all happy about finally having a garage to park in, I pulled in, parked, got out, hit the button on the wall next to the door and went inside. The next morning, David poked me and asked “How do you get the car out if the remote is IN the car?”. Reasonable enough question. One I had not thought about! The answer is you get a ride to work and you get a ride home and you wait for you duplex-buddy to come home from work and let you in to the garage. simple. Embarrasing but simple.
Also, a shout out to Earl at Time Warner cable. I got my internet set up with a minimum of hassle, all fees waived AND a ‘Special Circumstances’ credit for one month’s service as well as the special price for 6 months. The lesson learned here is to be nice to the people who sit at keyboards and take your calls, they know what to type to get you special things.
I love this new place, it’s amazingly cute and comfortable (not comfortable in a climate sort of way, there are 2 book shelves, a dining room table and 42,391 boxes between me and the thermostat. If we were having regular late May weather this would not be an issue, but May has magically turned into Smarch and we are suffering through lousy Smarch weather). It’s funny how there’s a ton of storage in some places (kitchen, dining room closet) and no storage in other places (bedroom has a closet smaller than your thumb, I need to buy an etagere for the bathroom). Luckily I can condense and shift and make everything fit nicely. Now I just need to do it.
And so starts my new journey (oh how new age of me). Leaving my old house was sad, it was the death of so many dreams, but the emotions that the house represented had been effectively stomped to bits. Here I am, looking at the new. Like my new, very pretty dvd player! pretty.
On a completely unrelated note, when you are a fish geek (as in aquariums, not someone who bites the heads off fish), you find yourself in some very very very drawn out conversations. i just spent 20 minutes describing the best methods of fish euthenasia, mixed communities, fish related infanticide and rice-a-roni.