Science and the Human Body

This is how the pill works, this is how it keeps you from making a baby in your tummy. The pill goes into your body and it clicks a switch that makes you mean and angry. Then you sit on the couch next to your boyfriend and you are cranky and mean to him. You sulk and fume and pout and get all irrational.
As a result there is not a single person in the world who wants to share your company thus making it impossible to conceive.
Thus the experiment ends and we move forth to find something equally effective but less disconcerting.
I’m also hoping that going back off the pill will make me stop hating my new coworker so very much. I really dislike him. Apparently the phrase ‘I do not work for your department’ is some hypnotic trigger that makes it so he can’t hear me. I recognize that the proximity of my desk to his might confuse him at first, it MIGHT seem like I work for his department, but he is wrong. So very very wrong. The ironic thing is that he is replacing the woman who had the same position as me in that department so the things he’s asking me to do are actually in his job description. They are not for me to do, they are in fact, for HIM to do.
Also, he checks his voicemail on speakerphone every hour AND he likes to announce his level of education to us. I bite my tongue and don’t point out that I am a female college drop out that makes more money than he does.
Coffee run with the chicas.
Keep humping my foamy peeps. That’s right, you just stay foamy, stay humping. Hump and foam and foam and hump.