Underpants underpants

So I’m making my shopping list for Target. The problem is that I keep thinking of this that I need from target and not writing them down and now I am going because everything is critically low (toothpaste, conditioner, deodorant etc) and lately I haven’t been doing things until the critical point (my car refused to even register the lack of miles left in my gas tank last night). So i’m trying to make my list and I know I am forgetting something super important (you forgot the fucking crown jewels again?? asstard!!). ANYWAY! I need underpants and I have to put that on my list but I know if I write anything liek that on the list one of my coworkers will see it and then it would be all “heather needs underpants!!!” and “wwwooooooo why do you need new underpants?” or even worse “you wear underpants? i thought girls wore panties!”.
Most people would tell you to write something in code, but I know if i write something in code I will find myself wandering the aisles of Target trying to figure out what the fuck i meant by ‘Stampeedums!’ or ‘chiblettes’. My solution was to write the brand name of my underpants on the list…but what is it…what brand underpants do i buy? they come in a 3 pack…I can picture the tag on the front left side of the panties..i can see the tag…WHAT DOES IT SAY???
20 minutes I sat here trying to remember the brand of underpants I wore. I could go to the bathroom but I knew I would remember the name halfway dow to the door and there’s something not quite right about someone who gets so close to the bathroom and then decides to not use it. I freak my coworkers out enough without them pondering my bathroom issues.
Then I remembered and it went on the list!
Most people get paid to do work…
I didn’t eat lunch today which means I will buy more snack food than I should. David asked me if I would be creating a meal of the snack food I bought and I said “yes”. I’m not going to lie. I go to a semi-ghetto Target now, they don’t have the double swank new ass Targets that have groceries but aren’t Super Targets.
Which reminds me, I need to go grocery shopping soon. I need kale. I gave someone a recipe for kale risotto today and I was thinking about it then David mentioned kale and I knew it was time to stock up on the leafy greens. Go me.