I need to get pictures posted. I have pictures. They need to be posted. You want to see Ghengis in his yellow bootie! You want to see the phone garage in my car. You want to see my cutie new boots. You want to see more of Maddie.
Here’s the way I see it…
Those people who say we should get out of Afghanistan and Iraq in order to stop the terrorist attacks are wrong. What you are saying is that cops should not respond to say domestic abuse calls because of the threat of the perp going next door and slapping his neighbors around. It’s a simplistic way to look at it, yes, but you do not say “oh the bullies are out there, let’s walk away”. No. If I was a woman in Afghanistan I’d be all like “you get your asses over here, you get me out of this fucking burqua and you make these fuckers stop hitting me. THEN you go find the people blowing shit up and punch them in the head.”
Do I agree with the situation in Iraq? No, I have huge issues with it, but I do know that something had to be done to help the people. I also think something needs to be done in Darfur, something needs to be done about the Lords Resistance Army, something needs to be done in places all over the world and we can not just walk away and ignore it because someone might disagree with us changing things and helping people. Obviously, when we look at Darfur, or Uganda or the Congo and our reactions to those, we seem to be pretty good at finding reasons to stay away.
But we don’t let some fucker with a bomb on his back keep us from helping.
Anyway.
Ghenghis’ foot is getting better. The prednisone is making his belly sick. Poor little guy. He sleeps under the bed when he does not feel good.
Maddie is good, very happy and content now. She eats her weight in Beneful every goddammed day! I have to rethink my calculations for food costs for them. I also have to get her comfortable in a Gentle Leader for when we go on our walks. It’s not so much that she pulls (the way Ghengis does) but every goddammed thing she comes across smells to very good to her. We can go about 3 to 5 feet before her nose is crammed into the ground and I can’t get her attention. She also marks constantly which is somethign I find rather odd in a spayed female.
In other news, I hate the transition music on NPR’s ‘All Things Considered’. Don’t know why. Hate it.
I’m eating massive amounts of red bean (adzuki, not kidney) ice cream. I can’t explpain it. I love it so very much. I’m becoming a connoisseur comparing the amount of red beans in each brand, the consistency, the flavor and whether or not it has yellow jelly (don’t ask). Red bean ice cream is not something most people like. I love it.
David’s parents are in town for a few weeks. hmm, stressy, but just a little.
Today I am running from office to office like a psychotic little sunbeam! I’m bringing joy in the most peculiar way possible.
Also I got a new espresso machine from Mark. YAY!! YAYAYAYAYAY! YAY! YAY! YAY!
Alright, I’m off.
I am not a hobo.

I know, I need to relax. I need to stop piling more things on. I took a guided meditation class once, it was designed to teach me to stop and focus, to calm myself and meditate. I sat in the class quietly crying because I could not bring myself to relax enough to focus on the imaginary spinning thing in my chest. I sat in this class weeping silently because I had failed at relaxing.
I create situation after situation that requires my attention and my problem solving. New place, new dog, new car. These get nestled into the various other constants in my life that also need my attentions, boyfriend, original dog, planning holiday parties, job.
I’m getting old. I admit it. These things that I used to thrive on, these constant challenges, the use of skills that are to me ineffable, now exhaust me. One of my dreams in life was kids. 4 kids. When I was younger I imagined coordinating the lives of 6 people, myself, my partner, our 4 kids. Soccer practice, band practice, braces, conferences in which I defend the honor of my child to the �ber-authoritarian principal, making costumes of mushrooms or idaho. This is not happening but the base need is still in place and so i am creating it for myself and it’s tiring.
For the first time in months i spent a good deal of time just sitting and reading. This weekend I pulled out my collection of Ramona books. Any girl my age knows Ramona, she read the books, we all did. We loved them. I have the bulk of them and I re-read them this weekend. An hour here, an hour there. It was relaxing. It was escapist.
But it wasn’t enough. I’m not sleeping well, I can’t shake this sore throat/earache, I can’t concentrate on the most mundane tasks.
I don’t need a vacation, I don’t need time off or away, I don’t need a massage or better food or a good night’s sleep. What I need is to learn to relax.
I opened up this page intending to write about the quiet beauty of sitting next to someone dear and watching fireworks, the joy of holding hands while walking through a little traveling carnival. I was going to write about finding a little goat tied to the ferris wheel and as I went over to pet it a small boy walked by and yelled “hello doggie!” then walked away, amusing me to no end.
I wanted to write about 4 of July bbq’s, grilled corn and chicken and steak and brats and turkey breasts, and tofu-brats and onions and peppers, of curried potato salad and mixed fruit ginger trifle and malternatives.
but I didn’t. My stomach hurts and I need to learn to relax.
1) stop creating new conflict for myself
2) stop taking on other people’s issues as my own
3) calm all the current issues before bringing on new ones

1) my phone battery died, if you called and I didn’t answer that’s probably why.
2) Good luck to dena! she interviews with eight (8!!) people this morning (one interview, 8 people grilling her). You’ll do great, darling, you’re going to get the job!
3) there was a goat tied to the ferris wheel last night.