It’s almost 2006 and it’s time for the…
Heather’s Great Big Navel Gazing 2005 Personal Year in Review!!!!
I ended 2004 flying from New Orleans to Minnesota. I’d spent a week down there with David and his family and for whatever reason decided to fly home on New Years Eve. I rang in the new year bundled up in bed with the dog (great) watching Lilo and Stitch on my laptop (good) and eating Dove mint chip something or other ice cream (bad). Not ideal in some ways, and yet it was really nice to just relax and be alone for a bit.
And so what happened the rest of the year?
Ghengis celebrated his first birthday and we celebrated in style! Toys, treats, birthday cake, frosty paws. It was almost like celebrating a kid’s birthday except more psycotic.
I totally did something I would never have thought possible and took a Latin Dance class. It was fun, but I missed like 3 of the 7 classes. Illness and general dance related anxiety. I sucked at it, I never did it without looking at my feet but I had fun.
I did not travel as much as I would have liked but I did travel more often than most people. I had a seriously beatiful and wonderful trip to Key West. It was the perfect tropical getaway in the midst of all the horrid stress in my life. I will never in my life be able to show Alex how much I appreciate that trip. How can you go wrong on a trip where you get to eat seafood at EVERY SINGLE MEAL???
I also went down to Austin again for the ACL festival and a weekend with my friend, Ethan. People thought I was crazy for flying to a place near a hurricane. There was no hurricane, there was 100 degree temps and soul scorching sun, but also there was good food and good music and great times with a good friend.
I overcame my fears and went camping! It was beautiful. I gained a lot of confidence on that trip, i learned I could do a lot of things I’d assumed I couldn’t.
On the other hand, this year I came to terms with my stunning lack of confidence. It was hard. It IS hard to feel like you can’t do things and not wanting to even try for fear of failing.
I got pulled over by a cop for the first time. I had expired tags, a tail light out and I got off with a warning. Did I mention I was also going 93 in a 55? Charm, baby, all charm. (actually, I wasn’t charming, I talked to much and Ghengis barked at him.)
I saw cool stuff.
I sold my house. It wasn’t just selling my house, it was saying goodbye to a dream that had started to come true and then abruptly ended. No longer could I dream of filling those other 3 bedrooms with kids, no more dreams of soccer practice and braces and too many pets and kids and report cards. The night I moved out of that house I stood and looked at everything and I remembered so very much and I cried. There were so many good times in there, certainly more good than bad, but just not enough. I loved that house so very dearly, but now it is gone. On the flip side I got my own place for the first time in my life. It is mine and I love it.
I went on the pill and quit smoking and then discovered that I couldn’t possibly get pregnant as I had become to evil to get laid. So, I went off the pill and continued smoking. Works better this way.
I went and got me a second dog. I love her dearly. She’s such a love. Ghengis adores her, they get along famously. I can never just have one pet. If given the opportunity I would have like 80 dogs at once!
I also traded in the Saab for a Volvo, which I promptly named Mabel. I love this car, I really do, but as per usual, when I make a decision entirely on my own I am continuously plagued by doubt about it. As much as I love my car I will forever look at it as a potential mistake.
I glued my eyelid to my eyeball with eyelash adhesive. I pretty much saw the depths of my retardation that evening.
Went on the best ever and talked to the weirdest guy ever.
Had the absolute BEST housewarming party ever. That event will go down in history as one of the best parties I ever threw. It was indeed amazing.
And then there’s David. If anyone were to ask me how things were going with David at any point this year, my response could have been classified as “catiously optimistic”. Here’s this great guy, a good, a kind person, a giving person, someone who puts up with all that is me (and I can be overwhelming to say the least). I tried very hard to be cautious about this, to not give myself over too easily, to not expect or assume too much. I’m all about keeping myself safe lately. We had our first anniversary at a goat farm because I am pretty sure the first anniversary is the ‘ungulate anniversay’. From the point of our anniversary on, I really started to (catiously) look to the future. I’m not talking adjoining rooms in the nursing home or anything, but just allowing myself to believe there will be a next year, and maybe a year after that, then it gets a little overwhelming. He calls me ‘dub’ and ‘the bubbo’ and he says I’m cute and he takes me out on dates and he likes my dogs and he cuddles me at night. He is pretty amazing. and I will keep him.
In a week I will be in New Orleans visiting his parents with him and this time I booked my trip to fall over new years so I could spend it with him!
MC 900 foot bubbo over and out!