aaaaw fuck

The apocalypse has been scheduled on my birthday! What the hell? This was my 06/06/06…666 birthday and I was so looking forward to helling it up that night.
Crap on a Club Cracker.
Stupid scheduling conflicts.

Whoa it’s that time again

It’s almost 2006 and it’s time for the…
Heather’s Great Big Navel Gazing 2005 Personal Year in Review!!!!
I ended 2004 flying from New Orleans to Minnesota. I’d spent a week down there with David and his family and for whatever reason decided to fly home on New Years Eve. I rang in the new year bundled up in bed with the dog (great) watching Lilo and Stitch on my laptop (good) and eating Dove mint chip something or other ice cream (bad). Not ideal in some ways, and yet it was really nice to just relax and be alone for a bit.
And so what happened the rest of the year?
Ghengis celebrated his first birthday and we celebrated in style! Toys, treats, birthday cake, frosty paws. It was almost like celebrating a kid’s birthday except more psycotic.
I totally did something I would never have thought possible and took a Latin Dance class. It was fun, but I missed like 3 of the 7 classes. Illness and general dance related anxiety. I sucked at it, I never did it without looking at my feet but I had fun.
I did not travel as much as I would have liked but I did travel more often than most people. I had a seriously beatiful and wonderful trip to Key West. It was the perfect tropical getaway in the midst of all the horrid stress in my life. I will never in my life be able to show Alex how much I appreciate that trip. How can you go wrong on a trip where you get to eat seafood at EVERY SINGLE MEAL???
I also went down to Austin again for the ACL festival and a weekend with my friend, Ethan. People thought I was crazy for flying to a place near a hurricane. There was no hurricane, there was 100 degree temps and soul scorching sun, but also there was good food and good music and great times with a good friend.
I overcame my fears and went camping! It was beautiful. I gained a lot of confidence on that trip, i learned I could do a lot of things I’d assumed I couldn’t.
On the other hand, this year I came to terms with my stunning lack of confidence. It was hard. It IS hard to feel like you can’t do things and not wanting to even try for fear of failing.
I got pulled over by a cop for the first time. I had expired tags, a tail light out and I got off with a warning. Did I mention I was also going 93 in a 55? Charm, baby, all charm. (actually, I wasn’t charming, I talked to much and Ghengis barked at him.)
I saw cool stuff.
I sold my house. It wasn’t just selling my house, it was saying goodbye to a dream that had started to come true and then abruptly ended. No longer could I dream of filling those other 3 bedrooms with kids, no more dreams of soccer practice and braces and too many pets and kids and report cards. The night I moved out of that house I stood and looked at everything and I remembered so very much and I cried. There were so many good times in there, certainly more good than bad, but just not enough. I loved that house so very dearly, but now it is gone. On the flip side I got my own place for the first time in my life. It is mine and I love it.
I went on the pill and quit smoking and then discovered that I couldn’t possibly get pregnant as I had become to evil to get laid. So, I went off the pill and continued smoking. Works better this way.
I went and got me a second dog. I love her dearly. She’s such a love. Ghengis adores her, they get along famously. I can never just have one pet. If given the opportunity I would have like 80 dogs at once!
I also traded in the Saab for a Volvo, which I promptly named Mabel. I love this car, I really do, but as per usual, when I make a decision entirely on my own I am continuously plagued by doubt about it. As much as I love my car I will forever look at it as a potential mistake.
I glued my eyelid to my eyeball with eyelash adhesive. I pretty much saw the depths of my retardation that evening.
Went on the best ever and talked to the weirdest guy ever.
Had the absolute BEST housewarming party ever. That event will go down in history as one of the best parties I ever threw. It was indeed amazing.
And then there’s David. If anyone were to ask me how things were going with David at any point this year, my response could have been classified as “catiously optimistic”. Here’s this great guy, a good, a kind person, a giving person, someone who puts up with all that is me (and I can be overwhelming to say the least). I tried very hard to be cautious about this, to not give myself over too easily, to not expect or assume too much. I’m all about keeping myself safe lately. We had our first anniversary at a goat farm because I am pretty sure the first anniversary is the ‘ungulate anniversay’. From the point of our anniversary on, I really started to (catiously) look to the future. I’m not talking adjoining rooms in the nursing home or anything, but just allowing myself to believe there will be a next year, and maybe a year after that, then it gets a little overwhelming. He calls me ‘dub’ and ‘the bubbo’ and he says I’m cute and he takes me out on dates and he likes my dogs and he cuddles me at night. He is pretty amazing. and I will keep him.
In a week I will be in New Orleans visiting his parents with him and this time I booked my trip to fall over new years so I could spend it with him!
MC 900 foot bubbo over and out!

our lesson

So, a post on someone else’s blog got me thinking about change.
Look, liberals, we got it all wrong. We’re making movies that preach to the choir. People interested in seeing this movie are already people who know racism is bad. The people who need their opinions updated are going to read about this movie, scoff and not go see it. We’re protesting in the streets. Do you think a slightly unwashed college dude in flannel tossing a garbage can around is going to effect a change? He might change the riot police guy’s mind about just how hard to crack that baton when he gets the chance. The sum total effect of a candlelight vigil is that at the end of the night, a lot of candles were burned, tears were shed and far too many people hugged. Do the people in Washington say “hey, you know, these people sat quietly with candles and hugged…I bet they mean business”.
We’re not doing the right things. This happy feel good, unfocused energy is being wasted. Certainly there are grassroots efforts that do help. Get The Vote Out helped to make a difference, voting numbers were good. Educating the populace and voting into office people who will effect the changes you want to see will help. But it’s not enough.
There’s a lesson to be learned. Who holds sway in DC? How much does change the Sierra Club affect? Naral? Planned Parenthood? The Humane Society? Some but not much. Now think about big oil, tobacco, the beef industry! They control public policy and they do it well. Why? Straight up cash money. You don’t see the guys at Exxon throwing their trash cans around to get their way with congress. Philip Morris would not be where they are today if the execs stood outside the White House wasting candles.
Beef would NOT be what’s for dinner if they made movies that only really appealed to cattle ranchers.
It’s the way of the world, people and the world revolves around cash. Patchouli and flannel is fine on the weekends, but it’s not really going to work in the real world.