This is why I deserve ice cream:

• Woke up and the bladder infection was still there. I do not need to go into details.
• Took the dogs out, walked into the vestibule, grabbed the doorknob, remembered that David told me the door knob is locked.
  1. the door knob was locked.
  2. the door knob doesn’t get locked because Maddie chewed the lock knob and it doesn’t work. Maddie must have chewed the door knob again and managed to lock the door.
  3. I was only wearing my robe. Nothing else, no underpants or socks or dignity, just a fluffy light green robe
  4. It was my winter robe, the summer robe having been tossed in the wash. The winter robe is very very fluffy and warm. The vestibule was very very stuffy and warm
  5. I was stuck in a very small space with 2 ass dogs, a spider and sweat dribbling into my asscrack
  6. As you would expect, you cannot just turn a doorknob really hard and make the lock disengage. You might think that if you are very hot and your dogs are bugging you and your buttcheeks are damp you might deserve to enter your own home. Doorknob locks do not have a sense of justice.
  7. The dogs were very upset by this change in routine. Why did we get halfway through the ‘going in’ only to stop moments before victory?
  8. my duplex neighbor finally came home and she let me in the back door.
• The dude at the clinic could not break a twenty to give me change for my copay. I ended up having to pay part of it with quarters
• most people urinate in a stream. My urethra works like an impact sprinkler. I hate giving pee samples.
• I’ve lost 10 pounds since my physical. It’s probably cancer.
• A metric dickhole cut me off in the gas station parking lot almost hitting my car. I clearly had the right of way, but he clearly had the larger sense of entitlement and the smaller dick.
• the dogs jump on me a lot when I don’t feel good.

Other reasons why I deserve ice cream:

• I lost 10 pounds since my physical! awesome!
• My pink felted fair isle purse worked beautifully. I don’t know whether to keep it for me or give it away for a christmas gift. I love the purse! I designed the purse! I am happy with it! It would make a great gift. If I keep it, then it’s great advertising. I just don’t know!
• The self striping sock yarn I bought is striping up very nicely on the scarf I am making. I love the scarf, I may keep it or give it away. I hate these dilemmas.
• I finally learned how to spell ‘dilemma’. For some incredible reason completely unknown to me, I always spelled it ‘dilemna’. Why on earth would I do that?
• My antibiotics are giant and scary and they only cost me $3.71! that’s awesome!