a watery sleep

The tsunami. It happened the day before I got on an airplane for New Orleans. I read about it briefly before I left for the airport, I watched CNN on the monitors at the gate. Initial reports were shocking, 20,000 people dead, many missing. I was floored, it was terrible. Then I was on a plane and on vacation and away from tv and the internet and news. I’d catch a headline here or there, watching the toll creep up and over 100,000.
I got back to town and read up on it, tried to catch up on what was possibly the worst event to have missed. The thing is, I don’t have tv (I have a tv, I don’t have any reception, by choice, so I never get to see news or anything – and to be clear I’m not one of those ‘tv rots your brain’ assholes with some ‘my entertainment choices are holier than yours’ gambit. Quite simply, when i have tv I watch it too much and don’t interact with people as much, but really, my tv watching habits are for another post). Since I don’t have tv I dont get the barrage of images, I don’t get the solemn news reports, i don’t get the dramatic music and the amazing graphics. I don’t get to meet ‘special heros’ or spend a moment looking at those lost. I get my news online, I read the articles, learned what I could learn.
The thing is, I haven’t spent a lot of time on this. I donated my money, I hoped it went somewhere good and my exposure has been pretty slight from there on.
Except at night.
Every night since the tsunami I have dreamed about it, vivid, bright, realistic dreams. Each dream is different in location and situation but each one is about the tsunami. In some dreams I am on a beach and the wave hits suddenly, dragging me in. Once, I was in a parking lot, the wave came over a warehouse and I held tight to a dark green, busted old mini van. They all start differently, but the all end the same, with me drowning.
In every one of the dreams I am pulled into the water, sometimes I can see other people, sometimes just debris, sometimes the water is blue or brown or green. I struggle, i fight, I can feel my body being pulled and twisted and I can feel myself unable to breathe.
Every night I dream of an event that I am completely removed from and I hate it. I don’t know what to do about it.