yar mateys

* I don’t want to be a web celebrity, I want to be a web starlet.
* Does anybody else have the overwhelming urge to punch the shit out of Rene Zellweger? Don’t front, you know one good punch would make things better.
* Sadly, I had to miss roller derby last night. My coworker’s wife is a Dagger Doll!! It was their first competition and I was eager to go but scheduling conflicts superceded.
* Not so sadly, I missed Roller Derby in order to go to David’s friend’s house for dinner. A nice spread of home cooked, very authentic chinese food. So good I could cry. Tofu with salmon, asparagus in black bean sauce, blanched squid, whole fish with the head still attached and on and on. I get goofy just thinking about that meal.
* Took G to the dog park, which I mentioned earlier. I forgot to mention how often dogs get peed on there. It goes like this…one dog pees and goes off to play, 5 dogs converge on the new pee spot to investigate. Once it is determined that the pee-er is not a bitch in heat or a monster prepared to eat their heads the biggest dog will pee on the new pee spot, oftentimes while the other dogs are still determining what kind of pee they are smelling. Sometimes two or three dogs will get their heads peed on at one pee spot. There is some social strata engineering at work here that we might learn from.
* ha ha ha ha ha ha ha
* Girl Scout cookie time! Bitch, step back, you will not be eating ANY Animal Treasures. Oh hell no.
* There’s a lot I want to write about the picture on the Thin Mint box, but honestly, there is no way I can write it without sounding like an even bigger asshole than I already am.
* I finally lost my celebrity sex tape virginity last week. You’d think with tommy and pamela or paris hilton or SOMETHING I would have seen one of these damned sex tapes. I hadn’t until Fridey. It was Fred Durst’s. I feel so dirty. I’m never ever going to get clean.
* Consequently, I had a dream that I felt up Paris Hilton and then screamed at hore for being a useless attention whore.
* I also had a whole series of dreams in quick succession that all involved me being involved in impossible situations where all i could do was sit down and cry for frustration. Sadly, all those emotions stayed with me when I woke up and I ended up crying in the shower feeling all frustrated. I hate PMS.
* Tonight I’m making salmon for dinner. Fascinating.

bark bark bark

The absolute happiest place on earth is the Bloomington dog park. This place is absolutely massive with tons of space for dogs to go nuts.
Ghengis had the time of his life running his little ass off with all the big dogs. Surprisingly, it was the puppies that he didn’t like. Most dogs will play with each other on an equal sort of basis, but puppies like to play like they’re dominating each other and with Ghengis being so short he gets jumped on and pushed down a whole hell of a lot.
Mostly, though, he steered clear of the puppies and joyfully played games with German shepards, Lab, a Great Dane and (no lie) a huge St Bernard. He went nuts for an hour, came home and passed out for the rest of the day. I’m down with that, hopefully he’ll be tired tomorrow too.

Juan…Juan Valdez

I’ve learned a valuable lesson this week. It’s not just the vicodin that makes me slow, it’s the lack of coffee that makes me boring too. It’s Wednesday, vicodin should be completely out of my system, I should be back on my game charming and shocking those around me with my witty observations and my pithy turns-of-phrase.
I’m having these conversations that should be spilling over with witty rejoinders and double entendre and yet all I can really manage is pedestrian observation.
Screw this being healthy bullshit. Coffee tomorrow morning and forever!
Last night I spent 8.5 billion hours emailing pictures from my phone to my computer. Motorola makes software to connect your phone to your computer but it’s only for PC’s, I use Macs both at home and at work. Oddly, I couldn’t think of anyone I saw regularly enough who had a pc and a fast connection and would want to load the software on their computer. So I emailed them. Yay for unlimited pictures sent. If things go well and I decide that I have enough pictures that are 1) interesting, 2) not the dog or 3) David I’ll post something fun.
I have raging PMS right now. FUCK. I hate hate hate that I’m standing there and part of me is furious at something and another part of me is calmly looking at the situation and saying “you know, you wouldn’t get pissed about this any other time”. So to anyone who got in my path today and yesterday, I’m sorry, I’ll return your limbs in a couple days.
I had a dream that I was making out with David while he was reading the bible to me (specifically, the very beginning). I don’t really want to know what this means at all. Good kissing…creation story…kissing…god. Also, in my dream he could both read out loud AND kiss. Talented.
Why do sugar cookies always taste like underbaked glue? Why do I keep eating them?
yo, later
I just went in to edit a grammatical error, went back to read it and realized it was right in the first place. slow slow slow

Lucky for you

I almost wrote a very long post about how much I love cottage cheese. I thought better of it.
My problem is that I’m taking vicodin for some kidney pain issues. I never take it on weekdays, I don’t take it after noon on Sundays. I’m a responsible painkiller taker. Except that even with the precautions it still takes forever to get that shit out of my system. For a day or two after I find myself staring blankly, thinking about nothing.
I find myself contemplating the absolute beauty of cottage cheese. I ponder the interplay of the salty curds against sweet banana slices. I delight in mixing it with strawberry jam and eating it on toast.
I need to stop taking these pills.
Also, the quote of the day is:
“I’ll be wearing frosting pants”
Surprisingly, I didn’t say it and it wasn’t a vaguely sexual reference.


too lazy to write anything in long form. You’ll get used to the lists some day.
* Today many people brught cookies to work and they all shared with me. Good for me.
* Someone told me that her bathroom was making a noise and could I send someone over to look at it. um…was the noise a deep, angry voice commanding her “GET OUT”?
* The problem with listening to internet radio is that only 1 of every 3 songs is interesting and you cannot just forward to the next song. The problem with me listening to my iPod in the car is that even though i carefully craft giant playlists to only play songs I like, I am never happy with anything that comes up. I end up fast forwarding until I end up playing the same 5 songs over and over again. I need to make a playlist that is just ‘Son of a Preacher Man’ over and over and over.
* I just chilled this weekend.
* Actually, no, I chilled most of the weekend but Saturday night David, John, James and I went to dinner (mmmm greek food, I had the lamb, naturally) then to see Postmen in the Mountains. After saying goodnight to John and James after the movie, David and I headed over to Balls Cabaret for music and candy.
* David has not performed at Balls since I met him. The last time he performed was 5 days before he met me (he’s on the left). I’m a bad influence on everyone. I’m trying to be very encouraging.
* Happy Birthday Dáithí!! Make me proud, break the laws of man and nature!! I don’t want to hear from you again until you learn the true meaning of excess.
* I need to go grocery shopping for the basics again. dang.
* Half the pictures on my phone are of my dog.
* Latin dance glass is going well. The funny thing is that even though I have no idea what I’m doing and I feel like a dork I STILL find myself leading a lot of the guys because they really don’t know what they’re doing. It’s a sad day when I’m taking charge of a dance.
* Valentine’s day was beautiful and more than i expected.
* I really really dislike the Cure. Stop crying, brush your hair and go for a walk. See that yellow disk in the sky? That’s the sun, he’s missed you.
* This weekend I explained the difference between Ding-Dong’s and Ho-Ho’s.
* I crave my bed sometimes.
Yeah, so, nothing terribly interesting. Those things that might be interesting are being kept under wraps for now.
Later, chochachos