Maybe too polite?

David is one of those guys that’s really thoughtful and polite. David is the guy that ALWAYS puts the seat down.
I appreciate that he does this. More than once I’ve dipped my fat ass in the creepy cold toilet water in the middle of the night. No one wants to have a cold wet ass in the middle of the night. Okay, I concede, there ARE some people who do want a cold wet ass in the middle of the night. I don’t know these people.
Here’s the problem (oh ho, isn’t there always a problem!), David not only puts the seat down, but also the cover. Yes, this is the neat and tidy thing to do, but it’s really problematic for someone like me. I’m a compulsive bladder ignorer. I admit it. I feel the urge to pee but I wait. And wait. And wait. Because there are 8 million things more interesting than peeing.
By the time I do get to the bathroom I’m bent over in an obscene prayer of mercy for my pants! All of my willpower is funneled into keeping my bladder shut. All my muscular control is there in my lower abdomen. I can barely work my fingers to get my pants down.
How the hell am I supposed to manage the toilet cover in this condition???? I can’t!
Relatedly, it is equally disturbing to sit on a toilet seat cover in the middle of the night. It feels like the toilet has risen up to greet you, but doesn’t want your pee.