I did it

This is a post about yarn and crochet. If yarn and crochet are not your thing or if you are bored hearing about yarn and crochet you will not want to read this. You might, however, want to look at this.
I got to leave work early today to go yarn shopping! You know it’s a good day when you can do that.
Before I left, a certain…someone…emailed to tell me that Borealis had a new shipment of Smooshy in stock. Sigh, it’s so soft and beautiful. Also, it’s $21.50 a skein and I need at least 4 but probably 5 to make a no frills sweater for me. I controlled myself. Kind of.
I met my stepmom at Borealis. She got there a little before me and since she knew what she was getting she managed to be a much more efficient shopper than I was. Also, I spent about twenty minutes rolling nude in the Smooshy.
I picked up 2 balls of Sockotta, 2 balls of Trekking XXL, and 2 balls of Opal. You do not want to know what this cost.
The Sockotta and Trekking I got in sets of contrasting colorways for a stranded mitten idea in my head (mmmm my head). Plain black and plain grey for the Opal, this will be used for Owen’s scarf (this is the 3rd or 4th yarn purchase for the scarf. I think I’m being too picky about it!).
We went next store to the coffee shop to work on our projects and get a bite to eat. I started my grandfather’s mittens. I’m very pleased with the pattern I came up with last night. Unfortunately, I don’t think I have enough for a matching hat, but I’ll work something out.
Later we had indian food and I finished the first mitten and started making gauge swatches for Owen’s scarf and blah blah blah awesome! CROCHET! AWESOME.
Pictures tomorrow! I promise. I need to sleep now.

pregnant hippo cow

April and Keith, being awesome, procured for me a copy of the show about Jessica the Hippo. These people are living my dream. They have a tame pet hippo! I mean I know they act like they’ve been hands off and allowed her to be as wild as she wants, but wild hippos don’t want to be hand fed sweet potatoes and get full body massages every night. Mostly wild hippos want to kill your face. And then shit on it when they’re done.
Jessica chills with puppies, doesn’t want to eat healthy food, breaks into the house and busts the bed all up. The people who live with Jessica….dang man, that’s the dream. Perfect hippo, hippo in the house, a yard with a hippo in it, a hippo that licks puppies!
I’m trying to figure out what sort of karma points I need to build up to get my own awesome hippo. Should I travel back in time and shoot Hitler? Eat 14 bowls of Cheerios in a row? Swallow an eel? Get “your mom” tattooed on my ass with an arrow pointing at my crack?
Please!!!! What do I have to do to get a hippo? My own hippo?

oh the things they ask

Last night David and I were at a post-thanksgiving party (which was our actual thanksgiving since we decided to lay low this year) hosted by Pablo (Pablo of the cereal parties). I love going to Pablo’s parties because you meet the interesting mix of people.
We played Simpson’s Clue, ate copious amounts of snack food, made inappropriate penis references in front of Pablo’s mom and tried to keep Moses, the very determined viszla from eating all the party food.
Later, David and I were talking to Amy and we got to the part where we exchanged emails. She recognized my name. I wasn’t too surprised, it’s a pretty common name and I am sure the Heather Ward army will rise up (with me as their leader) and we will have our revenge… but anyway. We tried to figure out how she knew me. I couldn’t really contribute how I knew her as I had watched her on stage a number of times. It’s not like I could be like “ooooh, right right, you’re the one that talked about crocheting yarmulkes! I remember you!”.
The questions started, I offered up where I had worked, things I did, possible drunken bacchanalia where I might have been seen face down under a coffee table…
“Did you used to be a lesbian?”
People have asked me all kinds of peculiar things (does this make me look fat? how you be so short? what’s this growth on my back?) but I’m pretty sure this is the first time I got that one. Granted, I’ve been asked a number of times “I thought you were a lesbian” (bi, people, bi!), but not “did you used to be a lesbian?”
Yes! (bi) we were amazed. It cemented things, it made it all clear…wait, no. We determined that she must have known me from something since it’s not often people peg me as a reformed lesbian (I’M BI! dammit).
At least she’s pleasant and charming, I’ve had a number of “don’t I know you from somewhere” moments where I’ve been forced to be deaf and unable to speak english!
Time for coffee and ice cream!

grumble again

this is what the middle of my forehead looks like: )|(
I make gauge swatches, calculate my rows and stitches and inches. I check and doublecheck. Then I sit down with my graph paper and my calculator and my notes and I make my pattern.
Then I sit down and start making it. 1/3 of the way through I notice that my tension is tighter than the gauge swatches and I’m getting 6 stitches to the inch instead of the 4.5 in the gauge swatch. what the hell? Rarely is my tension too tight (maybe I need to spend more time punching people?). I recalculate and redraw and replot and pull out the first attempt and start again. Not working.
So I think I’ll grab a different project and measure the stitches so I can draw the pattern that goes with it. Smaller yarn, smaller hook and I’m consistently measuring 5 stitches per inch. Consistently, on every part. It’s so clean and perfect the lining of the stitches. In fact, I never have gauge issues because my tension is always consistent, except NOW! What the hell?
And how the hell was I getting 4.5 stitches to the inch on the gauge swatch using worsted weight yarn and a size g hook when I am getting 5 stitches to the inch with sport weight on a size f? that’s barely any difference. And then to be getting 6 stitches? fatter yarn, bigger hook and yet I can get more stitches per inch? aaaaaaagh.
Just to add to it, I was working on my sweater last weekend. it’s worked as one piece from the bottom up. It’s a bit clingy and I knew I would have to compensate for the boobage. Of course I’m feeling all chill and just add more stitches. When I go to measure I discover that I added 10 inches more than I needed to my boobline. It’s not a big section to rip out and redo but I’m just frustrated so I haven’t.
gah. I’ve just reached this point of dissatisfaction with the crochet and I don’t know why. I need to find my calm blue ocean again….calm….blue….ocean…

nerdy yarn thing

okay, this is my nerdy yarn question….
I am sickeningly in love with the Kauni multicolor yarn and the things you can do with it when you multistrand it. The thing is, even the softest baby alpaca and lambswool irritates my skin and leaves me with a red rash on my neck. The Kauni is an itchier wool yarn. I don’t want to sound like a dick, but if I’m going to do a stranded sweater with an intricate design, I’m making it for me.
So, I keep throwing this question out there….I am looking for a softer yarn with looooooooong colorways (kauni seems to average about 45 yards per color before it changes to the next color. Compare this to sock yarn which gives you a color change every 12 to 24 inches). Long, long bright colorays in a DK or sport weight. Fingering weight would be the awesome, but I’m not picky. I did find a place online selling cones of yarn by the pound that I can dye myself, but I’m hoping to avoid dyeing for a little bit if I can.
If you know you will comment. IF you don’t know you will send me…candies!