Today was one of those days. ONE OF THOSE DAYS. You’ll note in my previous comments my mother mentioning that she’s coming down to visit. I read that and totally went into panic mode! Shit. I have so much to do this weekend and the house is a mess and of course I totally fucking spaced that my mom is coming down this weekend! How could I forget that? Well, easily, actually since I forget everything lately. After I read it I remembered some vague distant conversation with my mom about her visiting.
I am totally feeling like a retard for forgetting. I suck and I always forget stuff like this.
I email her to let her know that I had forgotten but that it’s cool, we’ll work everything out. I’m planning meals and excursions around our schedule.
She replies telling me that it was just a joke.
And a good joke it was! This was actually pretty damned funny, it played right into my neuroses.
Unfortunately, things went down hill from there.
The short version is that a notoriously unhealthy coworker shit irony all over herself as she pointed out that my lunch choice was unhealthy, paypal fucked up a payment and pulled $100 out of my personal checking account instead of my corporate credit card, a jackass coworker would not get out of my office, I screamed at another coworker so loudly that it pretty much reverberated through the front of the building (no lie) and I was out of cigarettes.
And poor poor anna had to witness it all. It’s not often I lose it at work. Time to crank up the happy juice.
But then I had to take Maddie to the vet because it looks like badgers chewed on her feet. 31 days of antibiotics, 2 weeks of daily foot soaks and a steroid shot. She was pretty good natured about it and the vet was really good. I have to remember to only see this one vet, she’s the best and she loves my dogs.
AND in a move of sheer stupidity I’ve been crocheting like a mad woman. I think something in my brain clicked and I know that I won’t be able to crochet for a long time and I can’t deal with that. It makes my hand ache but I don;t care I just sit there pumping out stitches. Right now I am working on a super cute purse pattern that I hope turns out well so I have something to show for this.
Also, I figured out my christmas present goal for all the little kids I know! If it works out it will be the cutest thing ever (and not dinosaur related!).
Love you
Heather
Associate vice president of cool

On the way into work a bitty little mobile kept drifting into my lane on Park ave. Look, I appreciate how fuel efficient and cute your car is, I really do, but if you don’t signal your intention to be in the center lane, how am I supposed to know you want to be there? How do I know you aren’t drunk or dead? And finally, i do not drive a small, fuel efficient car. I drive a rather heavy, mid-sized old lady car. Don’t drift in front of me without warning, there’s very little between you and your back bumper.
Today I sat at my desk and watched a crow attack something that seemed to be fighting back. I went to investigate thinking it was a baby bird. Sadly, it was a little injured bat. I don’t fault the crow for wanting to eat the bat and I didn’t want to chase him away, I just wish I had the balls to kill the bat to end his suffering. I suck.
2 weeks until my surgery. Don’t feel shy about asking me for my address if you want to send flowers OR, if you are shy about asking, you can use my amazon wishlist to send me things!
Or not, you can just send a card. or an e-card!
My Duplex neighbor moved out this weekend and you know what that means? Wild, raucous monkey-sex in the common areas! BOOYAH! Of course the common areas consist of the entrance foyer and the back stairs to the basement, neither of which are hot or aphrodisiacal in the least.
And, finally, I am learning how to crochet dolls. I have the deconstructed instructions, how to make different sized and shaped heads, limbs and bodies and put them all together. After the surgery and recovery i will be making dolls. And cheese.
PS!!! how could I forget! I totally gave in and got a ringtone that sounds like something. When my phone rings, it plays the A-team theme song. It’s way way way hot. It’s a thrill sort of like hearing the Rocky theme song or Eye of the Tiger, but dorkier. My favorite A-Team episode was the one where Culture Club played the hick trucker bar and everyone loved them!

The button for the sunroof in my car is on the ceiling. I was driving the other day and went to shut the sunroof. I hooked the button and as it was closing I realized that I was using my middle finger. Essentially, I was driving down the road flipping everyone off.
And I liked it.
Today was another quiet rainy day. We did laundry and curled up on the sofa for a bit. I ran to the store and got stuff for gnocchi dinner, corn chowder tomorrow night and blueberry jam. Making the gnocchi was a bad idea, it required too much kneading and that combined with the crocheting today was just stupid. dammit. Couple more weeks and I have the surgery then I get to recover.
Also, the gnocchi was a bad recipe. The sauce was great but the actual gnocchi (don’t ask what kind) was icky. And the recipe made a metric buttload. Damn.
and one final thing…
This is a message to the jackass sitting next to me at Balls last night…Are you listening? Going to see live theatre is very different from hauling your ass to the discount megaplex on a Tuesday night. Do not dangle your legs over the seat in front of you. Do not fucking talk constantly. Do not snicker at the performers (I know they probably chased all the gay people out of Whitefield Park, but you’re in the actual city now and gay people are a fact of life). Do not fucking talk constantly. Do not leave your trash on the floor. Do not fucking talk constantly. Do not lean way over the arm rest and take over the seat space of the person next to you unless you have an intimate relationship with said person (and I can guarantee you, you will never have an intimate relationship with me, no matter how far you lean over my seat). Do not fucking talk constantly. If you must leave before the evening ends, do so quietly and during a time that you will not interrupt people. Do not play with your cell phone the whole time. sure sure, we’re all impressed that you can take video shots with your phone the way the rest of us can…you don’t have to make a big deal out of it.
And finally, if you are going to turn around to talk to your friend in the row behind you, DO NOT REST YOUR ELBOW ON THE SHOULDER OF THE PERSON NEXT TO YOU AS THOUGH SHE WERE PART OF THE CHAIR!!!! I wish I could say I was kidding about that, but I am not. He literally rested his arm on my shoulder when he turned around to jabber at his friends.
Sigh.