Proof that jesus not only hates me but is actively seeking to destroy me…

I was out running errands (buying yarn for mary’s baby blanket, teddy bears, pink bunnies, and a crocheted version of Boots from Dora the explorer and also buying something for dinner) and I noticed a weird pinching sensation in my pants.
a weird pinching sensation IN my pants, kind of under my butt.
So I do what any normal minnesotan does, i surrepticiously check to make sure my pants aren’t ripped in some weird way and then ignore it and go on with my business.
I get home, visit the restroom and discover the problem. Earlier in the evening I’d been in the bathroom making music and chewing gum. My gum was old and without flavor so I tossed it in the toilet, or so I presumed it was my toilet. I had, in fact, tossed it in my pants and then sat on it, drove around on it, purchased yarn with it and cunfused the dude at Panera on it.
Does anyone have any tips on how to removed completely smashed in gum from the inside of jeans?