Liquid Nails

We sat there pouring over community ed listings trying to find the right class at the right time that didn’t conflict with anything else. My preference was straight up ballroom dancing but one conflicted with Chinese class and the other started in like 90 minutes and there was no way I could get home, deal with the dog and psyche my sorry ass up for dancing in public in that amount of time.
“Discover the rhythm inside you! A sampling of sassy and sultry Latin dances: Cha cha, Rumba, Salsa and Samba. Come independently or with a partner. Classes taught by Arthur Murray Dance Studio’s certified instructor.”
Wednesday nights at Roosevelt I learn will slowly transform myself from suburban dorkitude to sultry sassitude. Or something. Odds are I will end up looking exponentially more retarded than I do in regular life, but it gets me out of the house and it gives us something fun to do that isn’t eating or burying people in the backyard.
I also need to sign the dog up for his next obedience class. We’ve got the basics down, now we need to work on puppy etiquette. I need to make a list of people he jumps on and people he doesn’t because there’s a definite pattern, I just need to figure out what it is.
In other news, I got an email from a friend that was a 2 paragraph collection of the kindest thoughts I’d received in a long time. It really helped a lot. PMS is in full force right now and my normal teflon smile and silent “go fuck yourself to death” thoughts are slipping out around the edges. I need to work on that. My options are 1) heroin or 2) staying away from those people who bring that out in me.
The problem is that 1) heroin is more expensive than I can really afford. I need new tires on the car and Ghengis eats a lot of food right now and 2) It’s really hard to find a completely uninhabited island because there’s not a single person that hasn’t raised my PMS ire be it intentionally or not. So I’ll stick to cigarettes and trying to keep the porcupine in my soul hidden as much as possible.
Am I the only person who hasn’t seen “Say Anything”? I had to have this reference explained to me. Funny thing is, we went to go rent it last night and it was checked out.
I have to bone up, so to speak, on my vegetarian cooking. dang, yo, what’s with all the vegetarians? I keep getting cravings to make specific things and then I have to ponder endlessly on how to make them vegetarian. Interestingly, the stuff that piques my cravings are mostly sauces. I’m wanting to make my indian dal masala sauce that I usually serve over salmon or my ginger orange sauce that I do over mahi-mahi and I can’t figure out what to replace the fish with that would taste good and also be it’s own thing. The thing with seitan and tofu is that while I like them and I like to cook with them they just seem to lend themselves to being chopped up and mixed with things like stirfries. I have taken seitan in thin slabs, breaded, fried and sauced it. It’s okay, but the gluteny flavor can be overwhelming. Please don’t suggest portabellas, I can not think of a more foul and distasteful entity than the mushroom.
It’s a beautiful, warm(-ish), sunny day here. It’s almost enough to make me want to stay. I need to leave here soon. I recently discovered that the payraise I just received puts me well over the salary cap to get into the townhouses I wanted to buy in Baltimore. Now, while I’m all for neighborhoods trying to avoid gentrification and all that, I just can’t get behind it when it affects me directly.
Need to send the boy grocery shopping (hint hint) we’re out of spinach, eggs, bananas, choco-banana kits, coffee, bread that isn’t english muffin bread and guacamole doritos (hint hint).
stay foamy, peeps

Standard Weekend Recap

1. My space bar is jitzy right now, please excuse any mashed together words i may have missed in editing. Not that i really edit all that much, perfectionism is for people who like to create more work than they know what to do with. i have fun things to do. So forgive the space bar issue, that’s not directly my fault (the uncapitalized words are my fault, lazy shift keying. it’s been my nemesis forever)
2. Don’t hold a “fists of power” rally in the shower with your boyfriend if there’s someone in the house that doesn’t like you very much. it only pisses them off to not be invited (or to have to hear the rally in the first place, who knows).
3. nothing, and i mean nothing, will cheer you faster than watching a dog with 6 inch legs running through 8-10 inches of snow.
4. dogs really really really like frozen banana. Seriously, they will grovel endlessly for a bite.
4a. relatedly, the choco-banana kits they sell at the grocery store are way fun (again i suspect this is just a ploy to get me to eat bananas, but i don’t care), they don’t involve any banana stretching, but meh, what are you gonna do.
5. Apparently, when my sister brings new boyfriends to meet friends and family it’s not my dad or mom or even grandfather that scares them the most. it’s been agreed that the big hurdle in boyfriend or new friend approval is me. me! WTF? i’m the member of the family that scares the new guy the most, i’m the meanest of all of us. i hadn’t realized this. i guess it’s true, i’m always protective of those i care about, perhaps overly so in some cases (lesson learned, trust me).
6. Ballroom dancing? 5′ tall me, 6’2″ him? the comedy just writes itself. We’ll see if we can get signed up.
7. nesting. damn the weather has me desperately wanting to cook, bake, hibernate, cook, go crazy!
8. All about anal sex. Whodathunkit?
9. new carpet smells bad. upsettingly so. It’s cheap carpet put in the help sell the house. i took way too much time off work to deal with it. i hate eating up my vacation time on things that aren’t vacation related. On the other hand, i kept forgetting to go to the store and buy a lint trap and apparently that’s enough to call into question my independence and responsibility. Oh well, soon this whole messy saga will be over and she’ll have to sublimate that urge to boss people around into something else.
10. this is a good round number, let’s end it on something happy…i made pancakes for my sister and the boy this morning, then spent the day doing laundry and reading while the boy played bass with the music playing in the background. So stress free and relaxing. We also danced variations on the chinasaur dance and hurt our bellies laughing as we tried to imitate each other (mostly him imitating me since I’m such a spaz).

The wrong insult

You know you’re too fucking science geeky when you insult someone by saying, “do you have trisomy 18 or something?”. The closest you get to anyone knowing what you might be talking about is the (very) few people who say, “Down Syndrome??”. Then you have to say, “No, that’s trisomy 21, this is Edwards syndrome, it’s worse.”
So I’m back to calling people fatuous, at least I can send them to to look it up if they don’t know it (though, really, it’s more fitting when they don’t)


Advice in an email from my grandfather…
Keep the faith! This will allow you any and all the latitude you will ever need.
Of course, being an eternal atheist he’s not speaking religiously which helps him connect with his atheist granddaughter.
Oh, my poor Catholic mom sandwiched between the heathens.
Anyway, it’s good advice and a comfort to read at 8:45 in the morning as you sit here waiting for the carpet guys to get here.

So Long Soldier

Last cigarette in the pack, might actually be quitting. It’s been coming around for a while, I’ve been smoking less and less over the past few weeks and I figure we’ll see what happens if I don’t have them.
Also, I’m under stern orders from the doctor, but it’s not like i ever really listen to them anyway.
To add to the lunacy I realized I haven’t had any espresso since Friday. Weird. So I might be off smokes and hardcore caffeine at the same time this week. Problem with this is I think everyone needs a bad habit, nicotine, caffiene, heroin, poor eating habits, poor eating habits disguised as healthy eating habits, tequila, whores, the ponies, peanut butter, whatever. When you eliminate your bad habit you just create a vacuum (a really powerful Dyson vacuum maybe) that sucks another bad habit into place.
So, if I stop posting then I probably found a smack habit.
And to be clear, I’m not promising to quit smoking, I’m not even sure I want to. I just want to see how long I go without cigarettes. If I stop smoking, keen. If not, well someone told me it looked cool once and I need all the help I can get in the cool arena.
yeah, so that lasted about 36 hours. Ah well, cigarettes are cheaper than heroin and less time consuming than cheap liquor and loose women.