You know how much I hate it when you do it, tossing your half smoked camel into the sink. This time you look me in the eye, challenging me to say something. I match your stare, I’ve nothing more to lose.
Like everything else, it’s a draw, we look away at the same time.
I light another cigarette and cross my arms, staring at nothing, taking everything in. I can feel it in you, the rage and hatred, the resentment, the tantrum-like insistence that it’s my fault.
The smoke fills the kitchen, the ghost of our regret, the ghost of what we were.
I offer you the pack, but you look away. The need gnaws at you, I could see it in your clenched fists, you need me to apologize, to shoulder the burden.
My silence breaks your will. You’re gone forever starting with the first step. One gulp, you finish your Jack, the glass shatters inches from my head. No reaction, you won’t get it from me. Just go.
With every breath after the door shuts behind you I feel your hate dissipate into the walls, disappearing.
Daily Archives: August 18, 2004
Dear Abby
So I’m in the middle of a love life type quandary at the moment (the details of which I won’t share here and surprisingly, it’s probably not the kind of quandary you think). I’ve spent a lot of time pondering the situation in my head, trying to look at it from a bunch of different angles. Yesterday, I decided it was time to seek out advice from my friends.
You learn a lot about your friends and family just by listening to their advice. They tell you what they would do in the situation. My more emotional friends give me advice dealing with emotions, the more rational give me logical advice (obviously). I look at the advice and suddenly I see my friends in a whole new light, their advice to me gives me insight into them. Also, asking for advice like this give you a chance to see how well your friends know you. Some friends don’t realize just how deeply I analyze a situation internally before I go to other people. If I find myself saying, “I already thought of that” or “I WOULD NEVER DO THAT!!!” then I realize that these people don’t know me too well.
Funny thing is, I’ve gotten such conflicting bits of advice, all making sense in their own way, that I’m stuck right back where I started, unable to decide how to proceed. I think I need to present all the facts to all of my friends at once and let them battle it out til they come to one unified decision. Of course, I won’t believe them or take their advice, I just want to know what they’d say.