Ways in which I am a jerk #3419

I finally saw Brokeback Mountain last week. I know, i know, 8 million years late. Whatever.
I’m sitting there watching it and I didn’t like it. The whole world loves this tender story of gay cowboys and I’m sitting there thinking “what a couple of jerks!”
First off, the script sucked, the dialogue sucked, the premise was completely forced and retarded. A couple of sly glances, a forced kiss and suddenly there’s copiuos unlubricated anal sex? Um, what the hell?
Then there’s the characters. Okay, fine, I can accept that the time/location situation would call for gay cowboys to marry women and have babies and appear straight. I can also accept that married gay cowboys with children probably still want to have sex with other gay cowboys. But do the married gay cowboys have to be such assholes to everyone? I looked at this movie and didn’t see the sad story of a love that could never be, I saw the story of a couple of selfish jackasses being mean to people to get what they wanted. You love your gay cowboy more than your wife? Sure, okay, but she mothered your children and is providing an effective beard for your secrets, maybe be nice to her. Maybe don’t treat her like an annoyance. Maybe having and maintaining a long term job to support your children is a little more important than mountain sex.
And finally, why didn’t he fish? Obviously they had to stop fucking once in a while to eat or ride horses and whatnot. Why not go get some fish? Does secret gay sex make you never want to fish? Why wouldn’t he fish? He’s out there, the river is there, they have to eat something other than jerky. I don’t believe that they wouldn’t fish. They forced this detail in without even thinking about it.
So, in conclusion, I take the most beloved PC love story of our time and hate it. Next thing you know I’ll be stomping kittens and running sweatshops. I’m a jerk.

2 thoughts on “Ways in which I am a jerk #3419

  1. They had gay sex. Then they picked flowers, decorated the cabin, tried on their favorite outfits, wrote poetry, sang showtunes, and skipped though the fields. They just didn’t have time to fish.

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