I’m becoming a jerk

I am so totally becoming this jerk person. I’m becoming the kind of jerk person who I didn’t like when I was a kid! Remember when you were a kid and you felt that if a rule was unfair you shouldn’t have to follow it? Also, remember when you laughed at honor boxes because who would pay if no one was watching you? And remember there was that one adult that would explain that not liking a rule doesn’t make it unfair, and even if a rule is unfair you still have to follow it and you should always pay the honor box even if no one is looking not for fear of getting caught but because it is the right thing to do?
I have become that adult. Luckily I have not reached the crazy, irritating self righteous stage where I feel the need to point out when people are not following the rules. Also, I still drive too fast so I’m in no position to be vocal about judging anyone else’s scoffing of the laws and rules.
I even feel bad, not guilty just bad, when the cashier forgets to ring something up. I was packing up groceries one day and noticed I had forgotten 2 gallons of milk under the cart. At that point I could have left with them, but I didn’t because it was wrong. I wasn’t worried about getting caught, i knew I wouldn’t, it was just wrong.
Also, I always pay the honor box. Always. Especially at State Parks (which is where I run into most of them), mostly because it’s right, but also because I like funding the state parks system here.
If something has a pay option or a free option you are not allowed to complain about the free option (like a service or something). You totally have to pay in order to complain.
If you want the state to provide services you have to pay taxes. Also, even if you don’t use some of the services a state provides (public education, foster care, tracking the populations of walleye in obscure lakes) you STILL have to pay taxes for those things because we are a group, a society, we all live together and raising the quality of life for one person does help raise your quality of life even if you don’t see the direct results.
Unions = awesome. Actually, this has less to do with following rules than it does with my liberal leanings. It’s not like “big unions! YAY” but the idea of collective bargaining. The idea that unless the employees work together, they will lose all kinds of rights and benefits. Of course now companies like to say “oh! you want a union? you want to keep your health coverage? Fine, we’ll just leave! See how you like them apples!”. It’s a kind of blackmail. It’s a way of saying “you better take the $7 an hour AND the anal rape or we’ll go and you won’t even have the $7!” and that is wrong. It’s wrong in my “right and wrong” issue (of course it’s wrong in favor of employees, but you know…Minnesota). It is fine to make a profit on your employees, that why we have companies, but the profit needs to be proportionate to what they get.
Okay, I have to stop with the unions or I’m going to have unmarked helicopters over my house and I’ll be kidnapped, beaten and covered in Bush stickers.
Quantum physics? Wrong. Things don’t fundamentally change because you THINK they should. 10 dimensions? Wrong. You don’t get to make shit up to confuse people. What’s the point of 10 dimensions? Who is using all these dimensions? Can I get a refund on the dimensions I don’t use? The Uncertainty Principle? Don’t get me started. (obviously, this isn’t so much a matter of right and wrong as much as it it me being like those old people who were like “vaccinations? we don’t need no vaccinations! get your kooky vaccinations away from me”)
I listen to supreme court rulings to see how they line up with my interpretation of the constitution. I don’t like the idea of private gun ownership, I think it’s something of a monstosity, but I accept that the constitution is interpreted in such a way as to make it legal. You are just not allowed to bring a gun into my home.
The thing is, most old people would be like “what’s the problem, that’s what you are supposed to do.”, but it is a problem. The world should not be so black and white, there are all kinds of factors that weigh into situations. So far I’ve not lost the ability to look at a situation from all sides, but I fear that if this trend continues I will lose that ability and then I’ll be one of those rule nazis that everyone hates.
Hell, lots of adults bought me alcohol when I was underage (but in college) and I pretty much refused to after I turned 21. Now that is a jerk maneuver!
The other thing that makes me a total jerk? I’ve been considering going to a pet-loss grief support group but I can’t because I don’t want to be nice to other people. See I spend a lot of my time giving advice to people, being a sounding board for their ideas or just generally being a good listener. I love doing that, it’s something I am good at. The problem with a pet loss support group thing is that if you get support you must also give support, it’s the fundamental dynamic. It’s what makes it a support group and not just another room full of hostages. I don’t want to help people who have lost their pets. It’s stupid and mean and selfish of me, but I want to go there and be supported and leave and that’s wrong.
I don’t like myself very much when I think about the support group thing. I think I am being an asshole.


What did we do on our Friday night?
We bought a bottle of cheap red wine, burritos from Pineda (I got the chili verde burrito, possibly the best burrito in the world) and we came home and watched a documentary about the factors that contribute to the successes of certain ancient peoples. A documentary that I bumped up to the top of my netflix queue because I really wanted to see it.
You may THINK your parties and orgies and plays and dinners out with friends are where it’s at, but you are wrong!
Did I mention that I was not wearing pants? it was hot.

Reason #557 why I would make a terrible parent

Over the summer we have a number of programs running on campus to teach art to all kinds of kids. We have programs for little kids, programs for tweens and of course programs for late teens eager to get away from home and smoke and drink and have sex as soon as possible.
So we have lots of kids running around in various areas.
The other day a contractor came in to say he had walked into one of the restrooms to find a bunch of kids playing in there. One kid was standing IN A TOILET, and another kid had apparently taken a dump in another toilet and a third kid was standing ON the toilet trying to push the turd around with his foot.
Understandably, all the adults were upset and calls were made to various department heads and requests to watch the kids more closely were issued.
Me? I just laughed and laughed and laughed. I could think of nothing more awesome than the thought process of a 6 year old boy. You could ask those kids why they were doing what they were doing and they couldn’t answer you, I honestly don’t think they know, but let me tell you something, I wanna understand everything that goes into the decision to stand in a toilet. Where does that come from? I bet it’s funnier than hell. Standing IN A TOILET! Pushing a turd with your shoe! whatever. These kids are my new heroes. I don’t want to do these things, I’ve grown past the 6 year old stage, but what a fantastic place to be in.
How marvelous to still exist in a world where standing in a toilet is a correct and viable option.


Okay, so what happens when your dog eats over a pound of roasted, salted virginia peanuts?
More specifically, What happens when your dog knows that he is not supposed to be eating the peanuts, that he should not have grabbed the bag off the table and brought it to the bed? He knows he’s not supposed to do this, he knows that if he is seen he will be in trouble? He knows that if he eats quickly the likelihood of being seen is lessened. Eating quickly means that he will have to give up things like chewing.
So, what happens when a little dogs eats more than a pound of peanuts without chewing? You don’t want to know. Really you don’t. You think you are disturbed by corn and carrots? You stop by and check out Senor Clowns Special Fountain Of Peanutty Goodness sponsored by the good folks that fill the bulk bin at the grocery store.
When I did find the peanut bag on the bed I figured it was Maddie, that she had found them while we were out earlier in the evening. I showed the bag to her and all she did was snuffle it. Curious. I showed it to Chester and looked away, wagged his tail like a furious helicopter, laid down, scooted away, came back, rolled over, looked away again, and then went completely belly up. Dogs are so easy. They are so incapable of lying. This makes them 10 times easier than kids.