mostly good

Remember when the hard drive on my laptop died? I don’t blame you, it was way back in December. Yeah, I’m easily distracted from stuff I have to do.
David and Keith tried, but amongst the tiny tiny screws there was one that refused to budge, preferring to just be smooshy. Yesterday David used the divine magic of accidentally leaving my laptop in his car for hours and then buying a different screwdriver and the stubborn screw just came right out. There is no easy way to take a 12 inch powerbook apart. It’s all tiny screws, tiny plugs, tiny wires and obscure instructions.
David managed and there it was, a shiny new hard drive in my computer.
Then it was my turn to get the operating system loaded up. OSX Panther (growl) went on just slick and easy. OSX Tiger (roar) was more problematic. After finally getting it loaded, the computer started showing me crazy bits of code and error messages. My favorite:

PANIC: We are just hanging here…

Who the hell is this ‘we’ and where the fuck are they ‘hanging’ the damned laptop isn’t even an inch thick! Also, don’t panic. Panicking won’t help my computer get better, it’ll just upset me. There were many theories about over heating, other bad items on the inside, satanic possession.
I did the only thing I could do, I made a bowl of oatmeal and sat in bed reading. David tried a few things to no avail and he came to bed.
Today he reloaded Panther (growl) and it works fine. I’ll talk to the muchachos at work about getting a clean Tiger (roar) disk and trying again. I might even see if there was some extra photoshop…
So yeah, got the laptop back. On one hand it would have been nice to get a new one, but I really don’t have a reason to get a new one except that it would be shinier. Also, the difference between the MacBook and the MacBook Pro is $900 and only the MacBook Pro comes in silver. I’m a whore for silver electronics. I’m reasonably sure that David (the dude with the best credit score the mortgage guy had ever seen) would not be so down with paying $900 for a color upgrade (I mean I know there are other features that are better, but in all honesty, I use the computer for surfing the web, email, photos and writing. None of these things require the $900 worth of tiny chinese orphans that live in the MacBook Pros!).
In other shiny news, we received 3 giant boxes from Sierra Trading Post today. Of course the bulk of what was sent is going back. The nice thing about their stuff is that it’s way cheap, the problem is that you can’t try it on. So, you order all kinds of things, try them on, send back what does not fit. I ordered 3 pairs of sneakers to try. I have a pair of Asolo hiking boots and they are amazingly comfortable, so I decided to try a pair of their sneakers. They were not so comfortable, too loose in the toe box and heel, not much padding. Those are going back. Next up was a pair of Keens that were super cute, but I was reasonably sure would be useless. I figured I’d at least try them, everyone needs cute shoes and maybe they would be cute and functional. Completely useless. There was nothing to them, no support, nothing to hold them in place, all kinds of places where the rubbing and blistering would happen.
Well, as a back up I ordered another pair of green Vasques. Perfect. You know, when you find the perfect pair of sneakers you just keep them. We’re tempted to buy a few extra pairs just to have them on hand should they decide to stop making the Velocity. I’m fat, I have small feet and high arches, also, I supinate like a freak. It’s not as bad as pronation, but it’s why I sprain my ankles so easily. The Vasque Velocities are made to be trail runners so they have all kinds of crazy support for the arches and they try to keep you from twisting your ankle while running over rocks and roots. Certainly, they can’t save me from my own retardation, but they help. Also, most shoes are too big for me in some way, my heel slips or the toe box is loose or something retarded. These shoes fit perfectly. I didn’t think it was possible to be so in love with a pair of shoes (and believe me, I love shoes).
I also ordered some pink snowboots , I don’t know what kind of crack they were smoking when they sized these fuckers but the size 5 boots were so huge that…well, there’s some sort of absurd comparison to be made here. They’re going back.
I also got a rain coat in the same green as my new sneaker shoes and also some slicky rain pants for when it rains I guess.
Still to come: my awesome new sleeping bag!
And tomorrow I get started on my State Fair jam! Cherry jam, strawberry lemon jam (def strawberry jam) and probably a batch of salsa verde and a chutney of sorts. I’ll probably whip up a batch of Leminger for myself if I have time.
To be honest, I’m not necessarily entering to win, I just want to get in there and see how things compare and get an idea of how things get rated. After this year I’ll really put a lot of effort into it. I had wanted to enter in the crochet categories as well seeing as the stuff I saw ribboned last year was not all that exceptional (sorry, but it wasn’t), but I didn’t get around to anything. Ah well, there’s next year for that.
I’ll keep you posted.
And one last thing, I just want to say thank you to the people who called an emailed me last week. I was having such a terrible week missing Ghengis and so many of you called to comfort or make sure I was okay. My aunt emailed me today, she pointed out that probably no one knows just how much he meant to me and that it was probably pretty lonely in my grief. I hadn’t thought about it, but she’s right. I am often uncomfortable talking about my grief because I feel that I can’t explain how important this whole thing is and that people will just think I’m a nutty dog person with emotional problems (more than usual, you know). So yeah, bad week and all, but it’s getting better. Sort of.
I’m off to see if my photos still work!

The bad and the worse

We were at Fleet Farm this weekend buying 87 pounds of dog food (no, really, we got 87 pounds of dog food), dog treats and some more canning jars when I happened upon the worst combination of stupid and evil that I had seen in a long time.
She walked up to the Science Diet dog food rep (who doesn’t work there, she’s just talking up the dog food, but I loved her because she recommended a non-Science Diet brand to me because she thought it would be better for Maddie than anything they made)…god, I hate the parenthetical tangents…
Anyway, stupid evil lady walks up to the rep and they have this conversation (some of it is modified as I can’t remember it word for word, but it’s all there in spirit)
Evil Lady: Where is the squirrel poison?
SD Rep: Squirrel poison?
EL: Yeah, I need to kill some squirrels
SDR: um, you might want to try rat poison…that’s over there
EL: Does it hurt birds?
SDR: What?
EL: can I stick it in the bird feeders to keep the squirrels away?
SDR: yes, it will probably kill the birds
EL: The damned squirrels are everywhere and I hate them…
(at this point I am openly staring at her in awe)
EL: I’ve tried everything, they just keep coming back
SDR: Well, I think the best thing to do is trap them in a live trap and let them go far away from the area, but if you rid your property of squirrels you will just create a squirrel free vacuum that will suck in more squirrels (she didn’t say it like that)
EL: How do I keep them off my property?
(Now I am staring at her with perplexed awe AND I noticed that she had her pants pulled up really high)
SDR: (laughing, thinking she’s joking) well, you just don’t…
EL: Dammit, I even put antifreeze out there and in my attic, they come in the holes in my eaves and tear everything up in my attic.
(I’m not kidding, my jaw dropped open at the mention of antifreeze)
At this point you could see the rep was getting pissed. She tried to tell her that it was illegal to poison animals with anti-freeze (In fact, I’m pretty sure it’s illegal to poison squirrels anyway) and that even if it was legal it was a terribly cruel way to kill an animal. Not to mention that other animals could get into the antifreeze and die painful deaths. Once an animal ingests the antifreeze there is very little that can be done for them. The death is slow and painful, the kidneys shut down and the body becomes toxic. I wanted to hit her face with my hand.
I’m not saying that people need to get into a squirrel’s head or anything, but a squirrel just doesn’t define boundaries the way humans do. A squirrel does not say “the people in this house like birds, I bet they intend this food for the birds and not me.” What a squirrel says when happening upon a feeder is “AAAWESOME!!!! Holy shit! Food that doesn’t require digging or scavenging! MMMM all of my favorites in a pile. And birds to hang out with. Life is good, I love food!”
So, you know, if you’re going to put out the food that the squirrels love to eat, then expect the squirrels to show up.
Also, if you have holes in your eaves and the squirrels are getting in, fucking fix your house you asspabst. Fuck. Again, a squirrel does not say “this seems nice, but I don’t have a deed to the house and I’m pretty sure I can’t pay the mortgage using the free food I found. Oh well.” what a squirrel says is “whoa! it’s warm and full of material to make nests with and there’s room for a few other squirrels so we won’t be fighitng over territory and it might be nice to have sex in side for once instead of while grasping the side of a tree.”
And lastly, squirrels aren’t good detectives. If Bob Squirrel and Joe Squirrel don’t show up for the midmorning chase, Tom squirrel’s going to think it’s weird but not think much else about it. He won’t say “I bet they aren’t here because someone killed them and if they are killed then I should take the warning and get out!”, squirrels are a little more like the characters in the Alien movies, “hmm Bob and Joe aren’t here, and they left all their stuff. I want new stuff. I should live here. Awesome, free green stuff to drink!”
I hate so few people and I just wanted to smack the shit out of her. She had no logic, no ability to think things through, she just wanted to control something that didn’t need to be controled and ignore the real problem (like the fact that her cheap print turtleneck that was tightly tucked into her really high pants was kind of bunched up on one side and she looked like she had a mighty ass hump).

shhhh don’t tell David

Last night I was winding a couple of skeins into balls when i got to thinking. They two skeins came from my mom’s friend, Susie, including the very beautiful ‘Irises’ colorway. All of the yarn I’ve gotten from her has been sock weight which is awesome, but I don’t really make socks and there I was….thinking
If I started spinning my own yarn, I could not only get the colors I want, but also the weight I want. So I started researching, and looking up classes and wondering if I would save money by spinning my own yarn. And if i did not save any money, would it be worth it to get exactly what I wanted? It might be.
I started imagining the felted purses I could create. Not only would they be my own designs and patterns, but also my very own wool! Awesome? yeah! Then all the wealthy wieners that live by my auntie sue could buy my purses for a stupidly expensive amount of money and stop trying to take the purse I made for her. We would all be winners!
Okay, I’m getting ahead of myself. First I need to learn. Actually, first David and i need to buy a house so i have the room to take on a new project like this! So, don’t tell David because I think the last thing he needs is for me to yet another hobby that costs money!

on second thought

I don’t think I want to know any of you guys anymore. You are one truly screwed up group of people. It’s not even the end of the month and I have 3 pages of fucked up search phrases.
So, let’s break it down, shall we
Page 1

  • I know I cover this every time, but if you know the name of the website, why are you searching for it?
  • all y’all are just a little too obsessed with boobs! Alaska boobs? Difference of boobs? boobs. Come on, you’re not 12 year old boys! And if you are a 12 year old boy, go to a different website! There’s nothing for you here. Any discussion of sex in this blog will likely make you gay and blind.
  • Attention men! ATTENTION!!! One of you has a girlfriend out there who is trying to learn how circumcision is performed. It seems she has found the information she needs from my site. If I were you, I would leave soon and never look back. She’s gonna Bobbitt your ass.
  • lanolin shar pei? A shar pei is an awesome and sweet dog. Lanolin is one of the foulest and stinkiest substances in the world. The merest wiff of lanolin makes me want to run, any more than that and I want to heave and my head hurts.
  • See poop! SEE POOP! YEAH!
  • Homemade sleep pills. Man I WISH I had that on my site.
  • Cerebellar coning in dogs. What?

Page 2

  • Wow, lots of mentions of pee, bladders and bursting.
  • Hey, guy whose lady is planning on circumsising him….looks like she’s also trying to learn to ‘incapacite’ (sic) a guy
  • More boobs! You love the boobs! Not the titties or the breasts or the bumblebops! Boobs!!
  • Leminger! A dude recently commented that his last name is Leminger! In searching out his family, he discovered me and my jam. If I knew where he was, I’d send him and his family a case of Leminger (and don’t any of you email me to say that your name is “Def Strawberry Jam” or “Merciful Peaches” I will see through your deceptions
  • Sore throat sore muscles? Take a break once in a while.

Page 3

  • Ant porn? Is there ant porn? why were you looking up ant porn and more importantly, how come you got directed to me upon searching for this?
  • dicks! The awesomeness of this is that someone searched for the word “dicks” and got sent to me. Dicks! What posseses anyone to search for the word dicks without modifying it in any way like “humongous dicks” “most people are dicks” “why do dicks smell like corn nuts”. So instead you search for the single word ‘dicks’
    I just did that search and some 12.2 million results returned and ten pages into the results I still didn’t see my site. This tells me that someone searched for ‘dicks’ and spent hours reading minidescriptions until they found me. AWESOME!

  • ‘swallow oxyclean’. No. Do not swallow OxyClean.
  • ‘Where is the cerebellum and what does it look like’. The cerebellum is in your head, and it looks like brain. Fucking zombies, why do you even care what the parts of the brain look like. Just fucking eat it.
  • who the hell has a ‘big iron collection’? who collects irons??
  • ‘peed forever’. sometimes, yeah.

Yeah, so you guys are freaks

though there is pain in my heart, i welcome it for it is proof that my heart does still beat

I have to remember that even though the pain of my grief is still great, the level of that pain, the sheer greatness of it, is in direct correlation to my love and happiness and joy that I had with Ghengis. Few people get to find so much happiness in such a short time and I should be grateful.
I know people who have lost pets or lost relationships and refused to do it again. They refused the risk of almost certain pain. Pets will always dies, relationships will end or the person you love will die. That is not me. If my dog dies, I will get another and I will simultaneously grieve and find joy. If my relationship ends, I will not reject another out of fear. I will move forth and put a on a brave face. I do these things because I have no choice. I am hard wired to seek out joy and contentment even when things feel hopeless and by adding the joy, I am erasing the hopelessness.
I do regularly feel despair over the loss of Ghengis, I doubt I’ll get over that any time soon, but I have to remember that I also have happiness. I have Maddie who loves nothing more than to curl up next to my belly and have me wrap myself around her as we sleep. I have Chester who seems to be trying to master the art of language so he can talk to me.
And I have David who will wake me up at 3am to tell me I’m cute, who puts blueberries on our pizza, who understands that snowboots must be pink and sneakers can’t be blue, who makes sure I get enough fruits and vegetables AND enough burritos and who accepts that sometimes orange sherbet is an excellent source of vitamin C.

Vulnerability, he said, has its own sort of power. It allows you to love even when you have every reason not to, to keep your heart on fire even when you have every excuse to let it go cold.

From Sweet Juniper
I’ve had my reasons to go cold, but I haven’t. And I don’t think I could.