I am the interloper! I invade YOU!

I am such a damned nerd. Seriously. Also, showing signs of OCD maybe…
Thursday night I pop into the Library to pick up the book they have on hold for me (China Mieville’s “Un Lun Dun”. Read this. It’s awesome. Read this especially if your name is Julie and you live in Montreal, but even if your name is not Julie and you do not live in Montreal! If your name is Gary and you live in Muncie, read this book. Or not, you may not like it. What the hell do I know) and I figured I’d also snag some DVD’s for the weekend.
Anyone who checks out DVD’s from the library is automatically a nerd. It’s just the way it goes. So, being the ultra-nerd, I skip the movies and go directly to documentaries (I don’t really miss TV all that much but I do miss my science documentaries. Nerd.). I got two documentaries about space and I also got Murderball because, you know, sometimes I feel this desperate urge to grasp the last remaining shreds of hipsterdom from my gaining nerdiness.
One of the space documentaries was a lovely affair done up by BBC. It was a pseudo-documentary following the mission of a 6 year trip through the solar system with the astronauts visiting various planets and moons. The science was a tad wonky now and again, I mean if there’s an 89 minute delay in communications because of distance you can’t really get minute by minute health readouts on the astronauts down at mission control, can you? Also, they sometimes had instantaneous conversations with the astronauts even though they were so far away. Anyway, this documentary was way cool. It was treated as though the mission were really happening and not just “this is what could happen if we went to venus”. There was even some implied humpty moments among the crew. hot! Zero G BJ! I watched it 3 times. 3 times. Does this count as some sort of OCD or something.
The other one was supposed to be about the creation event and what not. Mostly it was interesting, but unfortunately they had an agenda. They were postulating that all of the specific factors that led to life on earth were so extremely rare that 1) earth was the only planet with life and 2) there must be a god. Now this is fine on some level, I understand that line of thinking. What really bothered me was that they didn’t look at the evidence and conclude this, they started with their conclusion “there must be a god! there’s no other way to explain this” and then worked backwards. It doesn’t work that way. You end up only seeing the evidence that supports your conclusion and ignoring the other things. Also, there was quite a bit of specious reasoning going on in there. Ultimately, in the end you could say that sure, there might be some sort of worked out plan by some sort of system or whatever, but they took a leap beyond the actual evidence to anthropomorphize whatever system started the whole thing and in anthropomorphizing it, they concluded it had to be god. You can’t do that. You can’t make a leap like that based on nothing but emotion and then say that proves your theory. It doesn’t hold out.
And frankly, you all know my opinion…yeah, maybe something started things rolling, a prime mover of sorts, but that prime mover does not in any way have to be anthropomorphic. it does not have to resemble humans in ANY way. It doesn’t even have to resemble life as we know it, it could just be a collection of protons that spin funny and made everything explode. As such, it does not matter to me how plotted or planned or tuned the universe is, it still doesn’t translate down to a set of arbitrary rules about who I can fuck or what I can eat. It’s really hard to see a moral code in the universe.
AND I think that anthropomorphizing things is the biggest mistake scientists make. It is scientific hubris.
After the documentary they had one of those “interviews” with the guy who did the documentary. Totally fake, completely scripted. The issues at hand was “knowing what we know about the creation of the universe, which religion is the right one” and again they already had their conclusion and worked back. Of course they concluded that Christianity was the correct one. Interestingly, they spent a LOT of time disproving Mormomisn. I thought that odd. i also thought it was strange that in discussing the Hindu creation myths they totally discounted the same elements that they ended up holding up as proof in the Christianity creation story.
They totally dissed animism too!
I watched the documentary 2 times, the faux-interview once.
On to less nerdy things, I am finishing up my hoodie (after having to frog most of it and start over). I should be able to piece it together by the end of the week. Then off to new and bigger and cooler things.

bad bad bad bad bad

Every once in a while I get that “hey, i write pretty okay stuff, I should write a book!” idea. Luckily for everyone involved, this thought is quickly followed up with “the occasional witty blog post or email is not in any way a sign of actual literary talent and may actually be a sign of the fact that I am incapable of writing anything longer than 6 paragraphs”. This is good.
Occasionally, I do come up with bad bad bad openings for novels because it makes me giggle to actually spend time crafting intentionally bad ideas….

  • Lacking any other surface they dumped their blow on the Koala Kare Baby changing station and started to cut it up. With amazing intensity they inhaled not only their next high, but the memories of thousands of Gerber shits, sweet lullabies and talcum powder along with an unhealthy amount of disinfectant.
  • Like your husband on taco night, she was silent but deadly. Trained for 5 years on a lonely mountainside by the most secretive ninja trainer in the world, she fought for justice, she fought for truth, she was…The Fat Shadow
  • She felt the familiar urge when she spied the Dracunculus Vulgaris blooming in her neighbor’s garden. It brought her back, way back to a time when things were simpler, and yet more complicated, a time when tv dinners were magical and yet profoundly silent in their deadliness. A time when everything made sense simply because she didn’t know anything at all.
  • This is a book about some people that I don’t know. I made them up. I feel uncomfortable admitting this. This book is not a lie, it is just not real. The main character, John, may remind you of my dad but my dad is shorter than the character I call John. Other similarities are just that, coincidences. Like that ‘John’ is married to Meredith, like my dad is married to Meredith. and ‘John’ has a son whom he hates so much that he kicked him out of the house at 32 forcing him to get a pointless job that screwed up his D&D schedules and even though he couldn’t afford to buy beer or groceries because the computer upgrades cost more than he expected, ‘John’ would not let his son come back home to get groceries or beer or even do laundry.
  • To understand a dog, one must only take into consideration that a dog has 100% more feet than a human. Once you wrap your brain around that, the rest of dog psychology is a snap.

Incidentally, if any of you are a book agent and you want to give me a sweet advance on one of these books, contact me.

chukity-chukity-chukity

Today’s rocking hot cheap steal purchase?
A 21 quart “Maid of Honor” brand pressure canner for $15! Oh hell yeah. It just needs a new rubber gasket ring and we’re good to go. I am so all over the farmers market! I can pressure can things now. Fuck you, botulism! I can now bring food to 15 pounds pressure and process for 30 minutes! I will kill you, botulism! I will kill you in my super cheap pressure canner.
I wish to thank the good people at Steeple People Thrift Stores for not knowing the actual value of what they were selling and many thanks to Matt who saw, recognized it for what it was and called to tell me it was there. Thanks, guys! Saving almost $100 on a pressure canner is super keen!
The added benefit is that it looks like a kitschy 50’s robot thing. Very cool. I think the guy behind the counter thought I was buying it for it’s kitsch value. I did not want to take the time to explain that I’m not so big on kitsch and then find myself yelling about kitsch and camp and how angry it all makes me because when I get to that point I suddenly find a needle in my arm and people wheeling me away. I did point out that I was planning on actually canning things. I’m gonna ‘put up’ for winter!
ps if anyone else would like to join Anna and I on our SUPER CHICKEN TREK TO NORTH DAKOTA let me know. You have to bring your own chicken costume.

Food!

I’ve been commissioned to crochet food items for a little play kitchen set. This is just too much fun! It’s for a pair of twin girls who are turning 2 in November and they will be getting a play kitchen set as their birthday present. I will crochet the food to go with it. Right now I am in the planning stages, figuring out what I can make, keeping the items within certain color boundaries so as to not purchase an entire ball of yarn for just one item and determining what kinds of foods kids would actually want to play with.
I went through some cook books and magazines last night to inspire me and I realized that there is a huge difference between food that you can make in the kitchen and food that you can make with yarn (duh). As fascinating as cassoulet might be to me, you can’t really crochet it. Or more to the point, you shouldn’t crochet it for 2 year olds. They’re not going to really appreciate that blob of yarn sitting there.
On the other hand, there will be hot dogs, hamburgers, cheese, ham, bread, blobs of ketchup, mustard and mayo, clusters of grapes, pairs of cherries, slices of pie, and so on. I am particularly excited about the cupcakes because I can decorate them any way i want.
She’s also asked me to make sets of finger puppets! I am so all over that. I love making finger puppets. As we go, I’ll post photos.
If you are interested in a set for someone you know, drop me a line and we can work out a deal.
Like you buy the yarn and then instead of paying me for my time you donate to the Walk for Animals!

hooray for the dogpark

Let’s hear it, my peeps! Let us all raise our hands in the air falsely signifying that we do not care!!
We could not ask for better dog park weather, not at all. God bless the Minnesota sspringtime (when it does actually happen). Chester is getting better and better at the park. He’s getting socialized and learning to trust other dogs. He’s even engaging some in play. Interestingly, he always picks out dachshunds from a distance and goes after them. He really loves dachshunds. Also, he cannot stand pugs. Don’t know what the deal is with that.
Tonight we managed to find a couple clusters of people with smaller dogs and Chester hung tight to me for a while then slowly ventured off for farther and farther expeditions. I was very proud of him. Proud until he forgor who his owner was and decided to take off with another lady. We’ll have to work on that. He comes when called so I’m not so worried about losing him, I am just a little concerned that it does not occur to him that this person doesn’t look like me or smell like me or pay attention to him the way I do.
Maybe it does occur to him and the little bastard has no loyalty. BASTARD!
oh hey…while we’re on the topic of dogs…
Let me just remind you to donate! Seriously, I can be really persistant about this! Kidding! Donate if you can and want to, it’s a good cause.