a number of open letters

I’m in the mood for open letters again!
Dear Julie,
Remember talking about opening a crochet only store? Yeah, I want to be your partner. We’ll shove a couple of racks of knit patterns over in the corner and not take time to organize them or keep them neat. We’ll carry all the cool crochet tools of the trade. We’ll offer up help to any crocheter who needs it and stare blankly at knitters with questions. Hell, we’ll even tell knitters that what they are doing is so much easier in crochet and leave it at that. Seems fair.
Dear Needlework Unlimited,
I’m done, you suck. Yesterday, as I was looking through your crochet books an employee approached me asking if I needed any help. I thanked her and told her I was just looking at the books. The following conversation ensued:
“but you’re looking at the crochet books.”
“I know”
“The knitting books are over here”
“I know, I crochet.”
BUT YOU’RE LOOKING AT THE CROCHET BOOKS!!! How lovely! With my public school education I would not have known that the book in my hand had the word “crochet” in it. Thank you for warning me! What would I have done if I had wasted all of 3.7 minutes of my life on your paltry crochet book and pattern selection???? You know, there should not be a rivalry between knitters and crocheters, but bullshit like this makes it happen.
Dear publishers of crochet books,
there is a portion of the population that is interested in more than “easy crochet” “quick and easy crochet” “simple crochet” “super easy 30 minute crochet projects” and “teach yourself to crochet!”
Also, we are interested in something other than “advanced crochet patterns for people who like to wear ugly things” and “wacky crochet things you would never make for their eternal pointlessness”. I’m just saying is all.
Dear lady at 3 Kittens yarn shop,
I will admit that I was at the end of my short rope after having spent so much time in the snide pits of Needlework Unlimited, but, dammit, what the hell was up with your comments? I asked you to recommend a yarn to complement the yarn I had for a project, I explained what I was making with it and what I needed. You said, “you know, you use less yarn when you knit than when you crochet.” Yeah, I know that. I also know that crochet goes faster. I also know that it’s 1000 times cheaper and less time consuming to just buy a fucking sweater from the store and be done with it, but that’s not really the point. Again, you are exacerbating a rivalry where there should be none.
Dear April,
I need you to help me with a couple projects. When you are not busy, can you call me?
Dear Readers,
Thank you for your patience as I rant. I will soon get photos of my marvelous hoodie posted. I am currently making the funnest chenille jacket on the planet and then I have 2 more sweaters I am going to start and finish as well as a crochet project bag, amigurumi dolls, a bunny costume for a baby, and a hoodie for my sister. ahoy!

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