Was sitting on the sofa getting ready to go out to dinner with Alan (more on that in a second) when I hear a strange noise. Sounds like the neighbor is hosing something off, but specifically it sounds liek the neighbor is hosing off my house. I’m curious, so I go check this out.
But the noise isn’t coming from outside….it’s coming from the laundry chute.
Is somebody in the basement doing laundry?
I take the dogs down with me and discover that the cold water supply hose to the wash machine has burst. It burst all over the basement and was spraying everywhere in great arcs. Easy enough to deal with, I turned off the water and called the landlord. Total effort: 1 french fry! Total cost: $0!
It’s about time something happens that doesn’t cost me money.
Anyway, Alan called to invite me to a Twins game this weekend and maybe dim sum. Both were tempting. We agreed we would do at least one (plus I had to get David’s schedule because I know he will be home tomorrow, but I don’t know when). Talked to David for a bit and realized I needed food.
On thursday I consumed: a 4 shot americano, 1/2 chocolate chip scone (my boss gets the other half), a spychaser (4 shots of espresso, black coffee and chocolate…a gift from anna) and one bite of hot fudge sundae cake baked with bananas in it, 14 pounds of sudafed. I know why people do meth now. Today I ate some Vietnamese soup, it was good but I ended up throwing it up (I also had my americano and 8 pounds of sudafed, no scone).
Okay, so that was a tangent about my food needs.
I talked to David for a bit and realized I needed food so I called Alan back and told him that if he drove and picked a place I would buy. It’s a simple and good deal in my opinion. We hit the Edina Grill, I had the Elvis Burger (it is THE BEST burger in Minneapolis. Period.), sweet potato fries and a beer. Everything tasted like Robitussin, especially the beer. I was disappointed but actually kind of hungry so I ate the burger (it has bacon, cheese, pickles and garlic mayo) and some fries and drank all the beer and the beer made me loopy! One beer. Loopy!
So, Alan dropped me off, I said probably no to dim sum and probably yes to the ball game and that’s that and the hose to my wash machine will be magically fixed tomorrow!

When I first found the lump in my wrist and went to the doctor I knew I would have to have surgery. I knew it would have to be soon, it was growing fast and affecting me in a pretty substantial way.
I went to the HR office at one point to discuss time off and insurance issues. Man, I was assured that my total outlay for this thing was going to be $500. Just $500 and that’s it, easy enough, that’s my deductible and I won’t have to pay anymore for the rest of the year.
Of course, considering the wildly different answers I got week by week concerning the amount of time I was taking off and what was covered under sick time and short term disability I should have known it would not be that simple.
It seems that the initial $500 is to be given to a short, ugly, bespectacled bureaucrat who will take it outside and burn it in a trash can. It actually covers nothing. Nothing. I’m getting seperate bills from the hospital, from the surgeon, from the orthopedic clinic and today the anesthesiologist sent me a bill. I expect tomorrow I will be getting bills from the nurses, the lady who checked me in and the little old lady who wheeled me from the recovery room to the front door when I left. I mean, i know she wore a tag that said “Volunteer” but I am sure she will find it in her shrivelled old lady heart to demand $40-$50 from me for her services. She’ll probably say I was fatter than she should have been expected to push around and there’s a fat girl tax. I didn’t want her to push me to the door, it seemed so very wrong to have such a little old lady pushing me in a wheelchair, but they didn’t let me walk.
So, please keep in mind, short term disability does not kick in after 5 days, you DO have to use all of your sick time before short term disability does kick in, you can take a 2 week vacation with a minimum of harassment but you cannot take 2 weeks off to recover without a 2 notes from your doctor, a dead goat and 14 pounds of distressed denim given as a sacrifice and your “one time only” $500 charge will quickly turn into $1000!!!
Good lord, this this this this is the reason why people start drinking at lunch! I’m packing up my flask for tomorrow and anyone who challenges me will get whatever is closest to my hands at the time shoved up their asses.
sideways.

I’m still probably going to die. i’ve entered the phase where the front of my skull has filled with fluid and seeps and leaks out at the worst moments.
I am so glad david isn’t here to see this.
Speaking of, he will be back on saturday.
don’t expect to hear from me for a while

You know you’ve had too many cold pills when you’re sitting on the sofa looking at this and you start bawling like a baby.
That’s right, I got down to the picture of the bike and I just started crying and crying and I couldn’t stop.
I have some serious problems.