You know, I’m not feeling particularly charitable at the moment. I know I should, I’ve been propped up against disaster by my friends and family. I know that I should be given my current situation, but I am not.
Let’s talk about cops. Generally speaking, I have positive feelings about the cops. They have a hard job, they put their lives on the line to keep us safe (I mean city cops, not you fat bastards in the suburbs). I don’t generally feel that cops are assholes with small penises and tenuous grips on power. No, that’s just not me. I appreciate that there are jobs to be done and there are cops who do those jobs.
But not tonight. Tonight I do not feel so charitable about cops.
I should be posting about how Owen just foiled a cherry pink starburst into my hair and how we made quesadillas and drank beer and watched some shitty show where second rate celebrities sang with a lot of old singers. That is what this post should be about. I’d had most of it hammered out in my head on the way home, all about Owen’s new condo and how gorgeous it is and about how I love my hair and adore his abilities and blah blah blah. It was going to be a happy post, a cheerful post.
It should not have been a rant about cops, and yet officers #4697 and #3955 have ruined my night and my post. Yeah, I got pulled over 5 blocks from home. I was so close. I got pulled over for a fucking headlight being out. A fucking headlight. Okay, I have no problem with getting pulled over, fine, but I got a fucking ticket. A $132 ticket for a headlight. Jesus christ.
Seriously, do you mean to tell me it was such a quiet fucking night in the barrio that you had nothing better to focus your attention on than a burned out headlight? that’s it? Nothing at all going on in the 3rd precinct for you to cover that you had to pass me, drive 2 blocks, stop, turn around, follow me for another 2 blocks and then pull me over? Did you guy debate this? Did you go back and forth and discuss whether or not it was worth it? or did you have to go over your action quotas for the night and discover that it was pretty slow around here and old sarge down at the precinct might figure out how much time you sit with your fingers in your asses eating doughnuts so you figured you’d better get a ticket out for something?
yes, officers #4697 and #3955, I know you’re just doing your job, I know how important it is to the well-being of the city and the people and your own shattered sense dignity that you pulled me over and made me sit in my car for almost 15 minutes while you ‘ran my license’ and printed my ticket on your space age ticket printing machine. I suppose you guys need to collect as many fines as possible to pay for the high-tech gadgetry you use to print up these tickets and keep track of how little else you are doing.
Yes, I’m sure you’ll get to go home to your lovely families and regale them with tales of your bravery…”oh darling, I kept the city safe once more! I worked hard all night making people pay dearly for their criminal ways!”. Your children will be so proud, “oh mommy!!! What sort of criminals did you catch? Burglars? Murderers? Homosexuals?”
And on “What does your momy do for a living” day at school your kids can cite statistics showing how many fewer people died as a result of my headlight getting fixed and my cash being drained from my soul.
So, officers #4697 and #3955, how many lives did you save tonight? How many criminals did you stop?