Clear the goddammed ice from your fucking sidewalks or I will punch you in the temple two times, the second time so hard you will die twice and come back as someone getting punched in the temple a third fucking time. 2 times in one block I slipped and fell on ice hidden under the beautiful, bucolic powdery snowfall. Once I almost hit my face on a retaining wall. Both times I landed on my knees. I’m so fucking cranky right now.
To cheer me up, I will write about my dogs.
Ghengis: To get my attention and let me know that he REALLY wanted to go on his alk so he could get his poop on, Ghengis jumped on my arm, shoved his nose deep into my ear and inhaled as hard as he could. Go now, find someone you trust, have them stick a very cold wet sponge to their nose then have them cram this nose-sponge into your ear and breathe deeply. All I could do was stare at the dog in wonderment. Of course he returned my gaze with a look that said “I discovered something better than my own butt”.
Maddie: Maddie farts. She farts a lot, but lately her farts have become something completely beyond the realm of reality. Her butt whistles when she does. Whistles! Like a train in the distance, like a siren song for the emotionally unfit, like a beautiful undiscovered bird in the forest. She’s completely uninterested, she just farts constantly and the music fills the house.