Sometimes you have to yell the strangest things. “WE DO NOT HUMP DOGS IN THIS HOUSE!”. How do you explain to a 2 year old dog that it’s okay for the people to hump but it is not okay for him to hump Maddie. I mean I guess if she was into it….but she’s not. She’s just not down with the Ghengis-hump. She likes him and everything, she just doesn’t see him that way. It’s not him, it’s her.
This is kind of a new thing in the Ghengis/Maddie dynamic. I mean, sure, G went through a rather extended (and upsetting) hump-phase. I share the details with the people I’m upset with in order to upset them (with legs as short as his, he’s hung to the floor). Eventually, after I got his nuts lobbed off, he stopped.
Now, 7 months after Maddie joins us he starts up. I don’t know if it’s a dominance game for him or if he’s just doing some standard regression right before he turns 2. Who knows. All I know is that I find myself yelling things like “we do not hump dogs in this house” and “hey! humping is for people!” too often. I wonder if my neighbor can hear me.
Also, the weight loss mystery has been solved. I’ve mentioned before about how too many people say that I look like I have lost weight even though it would not be possible at all (if it were possible, I’d make a million dollars on my dorito and ice cream and coffee and cigarette and chicken fingers diet). I had to ponder what the deal was. I’m not losing weight, my clothes don’t fit me any differently. So what’s the deal?
The deal is that I have a fat personality! When I am not around, people think of me, but they imagine me as much fatter than I am. When I show up later they’re surprised that I’m not nearly as fat as the picture in their head and they think I have lost weight. It’s the only explanation that makes sense.
I’m fat on the inside, and it shows!