oh the guilt

Last night I went to wash and rebandage Maddie’s foot. I was concerned because it was still bleeding. It’s not easy to change the bandage on a dog’s foot, you have to get them up on the bed and start doing belly rubs so they’ll roll onto their backs. Then you cut off the old bandage, shoving the other dog away the whole time. Get the dog in the tub with only enough water to allow you to wash her foot. Wash the foot thoroughly twice to be sure you got everything.
Dog out, feet dried, follow her to the sofa and get her on her back. Put goo on a bandaid, shove the other dog out of the way again, apply band aid then medical tape. Pull off the medical tape because it’s too loose. Add more.
When you are satisfied, get into bed. Your dog will jump up onto the bed, walk up to you and shove her giant head into your neck as a way of signifying that she is upset and needs comfort.
Allow the wheels of guilt and uncertainty roll around in your head…the cut looks awfully deep…is it deeper than I thought?…is it healing?…should I leave it unbandaged so it can scab over or bandage it to prevent contamination?…she definitely is unhappy, perhaps this hurts more than I realized???
This morning, as I was getting ready, she kept laying the paw on me. She’d lift it up and put it on my lap. Oh god, she’s telling me it hurts!
Guilt plagued me all day. If I had a cut on my foot, I would go to the doctor. So I made the call and got an appointment.
Her foot is fine. It’s healing already, I didn’t need to go in. In fact, they complimented my bandaging technique. I love my vet so much. She loves my dogs, she remembers all sorts of things about them, she is completely reassuring. If I had not taken Maddie to the vet I would have worried the whole time her foot was healing. I didn’t need to go, but it put my mind at rest.
Of course I felt bad leaving early since I overslept and got to work late. I popped awake, realized it was far too light to be a good time to be getting up. I looked at the clock in horror and read 10:43!!! Crap! But it wasn’t light enough to be 10:43, so I woke david up and jumped out of bed and checked his watch. 8:43! Still late but not as late! I called my boss and got ready. Crap. I hate when that happens.
Took Ghengis, the little fella, to the dog park this afternoon. A bit of snow added some much needed traction to the sheet of ice and that made it easier to negotiate. I still had to employ the magic of penguin power, but it wasn’t so bad. There aren’t so many little dogs at the park this time of year, but ghengis managed to get in a lot of good running. He’s passed out next to me. Happy.
Finishing up the special scarf project and it is taking less yarn than i expected so I may have enough for special project number two.
chickpea and veggie curry for dinner!