Dear Farmers Insurance
Please start sending me my bills in a timely manner and stop applying my payments to the wrong account
Dear Chase Manhattan and Wells Fargo
Please figure out this fucking car payment issue before I put both of you in a room and gas you. It’s not hard. Chase, you go to Wells Fargo and tell them how much money they should give you each month; Wells Fargo, you go ahead and give that money to Chase. Easy.
Dear Everyone
No, I haven’t lost weight. Stop asking. They only way possible that I could have lost weight recently is by having upwards of 8 fully formed tapeworms residing in my abdomen. Those tapeworms would have to be battling a rather large cancerous growth for nutrition. So what I’m saying is that every time you say, “have you lost weight” I think to myself “Holy shit, I must be infested with parasites and cancer and they must love ice cream and doritos a lot.”. Stop making me think I have cancer.
Dear Prednisone
I hate you.
Dear Mom,
I love you dearly but I need you to stop hinting about grandkids.
Dear Dad
I love you dearly but I need you to stop hinting about grandkids.
Dear Curt Schilling
If I have to see one more shot of your bloody ankle, hear one more time in graphic detail the process by which you are stitched together, or hear one more “he’s bringing truth to the name ‘Red Sox'” I’m gonna hunt you down and kill you. You are the old man version of Kerry Strug and that’s nothing to be proud about. Sure, you’re all pitching game after game with a horrifying injury and it must be awful for you. I don’t care. One time I had to drive 8 miles to work with an upset belly!! Yeah! 8 MILES with a belly that didn’t feel so good (maybe I do have parasites) and no one did close ups of my belly every 32 seconds to show the world what an extreme effort I was putting forth to get to work. Schilling, suck it up and be a man.
Dear Cheese Girl
I miss you.
Dear me,
Go home, lay on the couch, feed your tapeworms (Dilby and Squiggler). Get some rest, you’ve had a rough week.
Monthly Archives: October 2004
Dear Alan
While I do agree that someone who has brownies made for them should not argue much with the maker of said brownies, I do feel it is fair for the consumer of the brownies to argue a point that is so very very wrong.
Brownies are good, there is no denying that. Milk cannot make the brownies better. Milk can certainly enhance the brownie eating experience if you are one who enjoys milk. You see, the milk is enhancing the experience, not the brownies themselves. A brownie is pure goodness with or without milk. Drinking milk might make the eating of a brownie better, but does not change the fundamental nature of the brownie.
There are few constants in this universe, few things that we can consistently rely on, but the goodness of brownies will be a truth until beyond when the sun dies.
Also, milk is vile.
xoh
p.s. you should invite me over to eat nachos and watch more of the world series. Just a suggestion.
SCMODS
Happiness is watching the spaced out joy on a puppy’s face as he chews a rawhide 10 times too big for him. Happiness is the 90 minutes of peace this buys me.
The sucky think about being ‘mostly recovered’ from your alien strep infection is that you forget that you still need to rest. I went out this morning, ran a million errands, came home to do laundry and I’m exhausted. So I’ll rest a bit and then continue on with my Saturday ‘chores’.
It’s been classic October weather, blustery, chilled, rainy and grey. It’s sort of depressing, but it also puts me in the mood to cook. Tomorrow is total roast chicken dinner day. The weather reminds me that I can’t do another winter in Minnesota, i just don’t have it in me to deal with it.
I finally harangued T-Mobile into giving me the big big discount I wanted on the phone I wanted. Had them note the credit on my account and headed to the store. They don’t have the phone in stock, they don’t know when it will be in stock. Dammit. It’s the cheapest phone they have that has the 2 features I need, custom ring for each caller (not call groups) and the ability to be used in Ireland. It also has a camera, can’t seem to avoid that, so I guess I’ll be camera phoning it and you know that what means, another empty promise to post more pictures on here.
Okay, enough pointless rambling. Laundry, nap, knitting and roasted pork ribs for dinner.
No Relief Yet
Those things I ponder have not yet been resolved. They eat at my brain constantly. I can’t make a decision because I don’t trust my motivation in this situation.
Also, the insomnia’s come back full force. I now have 5 uninterrupted hours with my brain every night. It’s not helping.
I need some relief from my own head.
Curative
You know what cures strep throat? Hot pot bibimbop! That’s right, tasty Korean food. Of course your dinner companion has to be someone who notices the convection currents in his soup.
So there you have it, Korean food and science nerds and suddenly the whole world seems brighter.
And, on a brighter note, 36 hours ago I had a doctor threatening to lock me up in a hospital and jam a tube down my throat. I think that every case that requires hospitalization should have a related number of pills that you can take to avoid it. Yesterday I had to take 11 pills to keep me out of the hospital, if you had to go in for say heart surgery there might be 187 pills that you would have to take. Day surgery would only be like 53 pills. See, medical science needs to catch up and make pills to solve everything. That way, those of us who never ever want to have to stay in the hospital won’t have to! This is me, always thinking.