Category Archives: Quotables

QOTD

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I wish I could tell people that wearing cologne reminiscent of chemical fertilizer is not…attractive. Sure, cologne is one of the many ways we do posturing displays to attract a mate, a clean fresh smell indicates general health, cleanliness and lack of disease. This tells me our offspring will also be healthy and have the same access to cleanliness because you can provide it. You cologne should not say to me “I want to plow your earth, create deep furrows in your field and mortgage your future to monsanto”

umbrella

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The sky is manic depressive today. Sunny, cloudy, uplifting, oppressive. I seriously considered leaving early to make sure I could get Ghengis to the dog park before sunset. Then it got cloudy and cold. Then it got sunny again. grrr.
I got my flu shot! FLU SHOT! I was under strict strict orders to get it last year and of course I ignored the doctors and of course i got my ass kicked so hard. This year I did it. Why not, it was free and you get a cookie (one made with crisco, but I’m not going to get all picky about my free flu shot cookie).
And I learned something today! if you have an overwhelming fear of needles, the best way to get a flu shot is to go up with someone with an even worse fear of needles and promise her that everything will be okay. I had to be brave for her and therefore ended up being brave for me! And I got a cookie!
I think all moments of discomfort should be followed up by cookies.
How does a car make the blinker noise? Do car manufacturers actually record the blinker noise to be played in a synchronized fashion with your blinker? Is there a tiny speaker somewhere in the car emitting the blinker noise? For the entire time I owned my Saab, people were always commenting on the blinker noise it made. it was louder than most cars and somewhat more roundy in tone. The volvo (Mabel) has a regular blinker noise that is not much to comment on.
I think I am going to have to bite the bullet and buy a carpet cleaner for myself for my christmas present. I want the special green on with the special 5 rotating brushes (and if i weren’t so lazy, I’d go find the name and the link).
and now it’s time for ‘heather’s retarded conversation corner’
H: I forgot to bring my leftovers for lunch today. I should have it for dinner.
D: (eating something) yeah mrrph can have mrrrph peenacs mrph with it.
H: I can have penis with it? What??
D: No! You can have spinach with it!
And that was me thinking my boyfriend was using my dinner to hit on me in some crude and perplexing way.

It’s all new

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Curry is the new stir fry! Tonight’s offering is a potato, chick pea and spinach curry on basmati. Not bad, not fancy but solid and good.
a conversation:
him: hey dub
me: (shoveling food in my mouth) hi
him: how are you?
me: (glop of spinach hanging from my mouth) unattractive!
him: WHAT?!
me: buuuuuuuurp
So, my head’s all over the place today and I guess this post will be as well.
So, Saturday I get to do my best Captain Dan impersonation standing in the middle of Zilker Park while the eye of Hurricane Rita passes somewhere near Austin! Of course, at that point inland we’re just talking rain and wind, it won’t be a hurricane anymore. Still though, I’m looking forward to challenging the sky and knocking that hurricane down to the ground.
Today’s mail held nothing to excite or incite today. No fabulous mexican candy, no bills to ignore, nothing to take out back and burn.
So, Ben and Jerry’s sent operatives to my house to split my head open, spy on me and make the perfect flavor for me. Amazing.
Okay, I wish I didn’t know so many people in California. I’ve gotten so many invites! I want to go but I know there is no way I could see everyone in one trip. Sigh. California needs to be smaller. Way smaller.
my dogs rule, but you knew that.
Okay, not as much to write about as I thought. Common decency prevents me from writing about most of the things in my head and the Geneva convention covers the rest.
Today is Tuesday, Friday I fly away!

What I did on my summer vacation

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A pictorial by heather
Look at me, I’m actually posting pictures of something! You can thank Flickr! I’ve been futzing on Flickr for a bit and came to the conclusion that either I’m really missing something or it’s not offering me anything easier than the set up I’ve got here. So, I had these photos in a folder waiting for some sort of Flickr magic and I just couldn’t find it (this doesn’t mean it’s not there, just that i am a-tarded). So I figured I had them there, may as well edit them and write something snarky.


look where I went! I went to the BWCA! and I lived to tell the tale.

David executing his mad paddling skills. I also have the mad paddling skills, but there is no flattering photographic evidence of such.

This is David’s dad, Don. He has mad kayaking skills and mad dinner making skills.

This is David’s lovely sister, Mary Alice, she has the indespensible mad doctor skills and can keep us from dying.

And this is me. I have mad sausage grilling skills!

Blueberries! Wild blueberries and they’re everywhere. This is a quart and we picked this in no time. Next time we go camping I’m bringing pancake mix.

He’s kind of cute, don’t you think?

These are my feet in a canoe. Why? Why not! My feet are cute.

My feet are cute even in giant clunky hiking boots standing by bear turd.

This is the spider that lived on the toilet that I had to use. I should have put something there for scale like a VW Bug or a dimetrodon. Seriously, that spider was HUGE and stubborn.

Oh shit! The ferns ate him!!!

This is me on a beaver dam. That’s right, i’m just walking on a beaver dam. What are they going to do about it? Nothing! You know why? Because beavers are major pussies. or something like that.

Hot cocoa with toasted marshmallow. Anything better? Probably not.

I totally miss it and I want to go back.

So there, I actually posted the pictures I said I would post AND I posted far fewer than I actually have. I think I might have sent my mom into some sort of catatonic state of picture boredom this weekend and she didn’t even get to see them all!
Edit…
David: Where’s the picture of you with your hat on sideways?
Me: not in here.
D: Why not?
M: I look retarded
D: Who are you trying to impress? These people know you got problems!