It’s not that I don’t like any of you

Two weeks ago I was having a crabby weekend. I considered my options…human sacrifice, multi-gun rampage, heroin, turning the ringer off on my phone and doing crossword puzzles…
There we go. I turned the ringer off. Turning the ringer off is completely different than just ignoring my phone. I ignore my phone all the damned time. I hear it ring, I cock my head to the side and then say…meh, i’ll check later. This was a good method for a while but it meant that no matter what I was doing, if the phone rang I would have to stop and cock my head to the side and then make a decision to see who is calling and then make a decision as to whether or not I wanted to talk to the person on the phone. Don’t take this personally, I just don’t like talking on the phone.
If I chose to not even see who was calling, then the worry of not knowing who called would scratch at the surface of my brain until I gave in and checked the phone.
The phone causes a lot of stress for me. Technically, it’s just a phone and it should not cause me any stress, but it does.
So I turned the ringer off and forgot about it. It was the best thing I’d done for myself in years. Seriously, this reduced my stress in ways that ice cream or masturbating never could! I completely forgot I had a phone! I forgot that people wanted to talk to me! I just went about my business and did my stuff completely uninterrupted. Then I would remember my phone at like 11pm and go look at it and see who called and think, “oh nice, these people called me!”
I know it’s selfish, but sometimes you have to be. I can’t be INFP all the damned time.
So I’ve kept my phone off intermittently for the last two weeks. Of course the universe likes to drive home the point on occasion…
My current ringtone is me singing:
Why don’t you pick up the phone
someone wants to talk to you
answer the phone
someone wants to talk to you
doo doo dooot doo
dooo doooooo

It’s really irritating.
I left my phone on one day last week and of course I got calls all day. I got 2 calls (TWO CALLS) during my pelvic exam. Let me tell you something, you do not ever want to hear yourself singing when you are in that position and you certainly never ever want your doctor to be laughing while she’s in there. It’s really disconcerting!
So, to sum up, I’m not avoiding any of you specifically, I’m just avoiding the phone. Email me if you want me to respond. Later this summer, I’ll turn the phone back on.