I’ve decided to start taking parenting advice from insane religious fundamentalist Jack Chick.
A couple years ago I ordered the monster pack All Tract Assortment as a gift for my firend Ethan because what says “I cherish our friendship” more than comic books detailing all the gay sex in the public schools and the actual witches who play D&D? Sometimes people need to be told how the Jews are the Chosen People and yet are still going to hell. These things are important. Also, the assortment was only $15 and you really can’t beat that price.
Cheap crazy is the best crazy there is.
Expensive crazy is when your HMO changes the formulary every few months.
Having placed an order with Chick Publications I am on thier mailing lists for both email and snail mail and try as I might, I cannot get off these lists. I think it has something to do with the word of god being unerasable and also the database of god being unmodifiable. I don’t know. They won’t take me off their lists. It’s fine, they send me all the new tracts and they also send me awesomely insane emails.
Today my personal note from Jack Chick was a note of grief regarding the Virginia Tech massacre. A lovely sentiment to be sure, until you realize that his grief is not about senseless violence and murder, but that many of those who died were not saved and now going straight to hell. Amazing.
To be fair, though, Fred Phelps is a bigger cockbite than Jack Chick, but just barely.
Anyway, in addition to this pondering of eternal damnation for innocent victims he sent me a link to his latest tract. It’s amazing. It’s Awesome. It’s the most concise system of cause and effect in child rearing that I have ever seen. If you let your kids believe in Santa, The Tooth Fairy or The Easter Bunny he will be so angry when he discovers your lie he will refuse to believe in Jesus AND become a mass murderer!
Now that’s a stunning one-two punch if I’ve ever seen one. Every dollar the toothfairy leaves under a pillow is another bullet in the back of an innocent victim! And the thing is, I think the statistics carry this one for him! Think about all the kids told about Santa and the Easter Bunny, there are only a few and they all grew up to be insane killers…John Wayne Gacy, Hitler, GWB, that creepy guy who runs the impact gun at the slaughterhouse, Vlad Tepes, Ghengis Khan, Gary Coleman, Ariel Sharon, Lizzy Borden, and the list goes on and on. Seriously, all the people who grow up to not become mass murderers are the same people who were not led to believe in Santa.
Read for yourself and learn how to save your kids.