I’m a little obsessed with my dreams. I love my dreams. I don’t love them in an ‘altered state, premonition, astral plane’ way, I don’t usually analyze them in any deep way. I love my dreams because they are usually very vivid and very emotional, sometimes so vivid they come back to me as memories of actual events and not just dreams. It’s kinda like being able to live this whole other bizarro life where sometimes I can breathe under water or fly or shoot people without consequence.
The other night I had a dream that really struck me. In this dream I spent time with a number of my exes and former lovers (but only the ones I am currently still friends with) and in the time spent together each one rejected me in a way that was very specific to them. One made plans with me but when someone more interesting came by they left with them without so much as a goodbye. One spent the entire time during an intimate act discussing the various people they would like to date. And still another one, when asked to go out, fell silent and unresponsive.
These situations really have less to say about about the people involved and a lot to say about how I felt in the relationships or how I felt about the way they evolved. I’ve spent a lot of time analyzing this.
Funny thing is, it sounds like it would be depressing or sad, but actually it’s not. I’ve actually been very happy since this dream. I’m not entirely sure why, but i think it felt like closure in some way.
Either way, this dream and a few other things lately have conspired to make me pretty fucking joyful!

I don’t have enough of any one thing to make a post with (not that I post much of substance, but you know I like to have a couple paragraphs when possible) so here’s a little bit of everything
Favorite song at the moment is Morphine’s In Spite of Me. I’d heard it before and it’s on a mix cd that Mark made for me, but the other night it was playing and suddenly grabbed me for whatever reason. It’s getting heavy rotation in the car, which is hard since it’s a short song. Also, I need you to appreciate how hard it is to find a lyrics site not completely futzed with pop-ups.
I finally got green nail polish and I am in love with it. MAC’s Aloe Aloe green, got it from my mom for my birthday. I’m always on the lookout for good green nail polish and could never find it. I have 87,000 shades of blue since everyone has good shades of blue and when I go looking for green I end up buying blue as a consolation color. Finally, green.
It suddenly occured to me that this was a holiday weekend, a nice long weekend and I have no plans. Shit. I need a friend with a place on a lake. I live in Minnesota, how is it that I don’t have a friend with a lake place?? Of course my mom lives on a lake, but, while I love my mom and all, ‘friend with a lake place’ should really be seen as ‘friend with a place for uninhibited debauchery and no neighbors’.
Social Security Sex – you get a little something every month, but it’s not enough to live on.
In playing tug-of-war with the puppy i’ve pulled out a couple of his baby teeth. Freaky. Also bloody and gross.
Countdown to Baltimore is still on. Every day it gets less scary and more exciting. There are a lot of people and things that I will miss terribly in the move, but there are a lot of people and things out there waiting for me.
There you have it. A lot of little bits. My new tattoo idea is “Illegitimis non carborundum”. I’ll get it on my forearm, it’s a good thing to remind yourself.

Everyone has the Kanji tattoos, I think I should get one, too. Not one that says ‘love’ or ‘peace’ or ‘wisdom’, that would suck. I don’t need those words on my body. No, I want something like ‘Buddha Delight’ or ‘Angry Death of 1000 Shames’ or ‘Molar’. People will ask what my tattoo says and I’ll respond, “Fertile Soil”.
The perplexity on their faces would be worth it.
The problem is (and, lo, there is always a problem) that occasionally tattoo artists have been known to tell their customers that the Kanji symbol for ‘It burns when I pee” actually means ‘Love’. These poor chicks find out 2 years later at 1 am in a seedy bar in NYC as some guy walks by and asks why she has ‘It burns when I pee’ tattooed on her lower back. So, what I’m saying it that while it’s fun to tell someone that I have ‘Flesh Wound’ tattooed on my shoulder, it’s a pain to have to explain to someone who can read Kanji that it was intentional.
Person who can read Kanji: Do you know your back says ‘Capture the slippery bean curd’?
Me: Yeah
PWCRK: Must’ve sucked when you realized that, huh?
Me: No, it was intentional.
PWCRK: Riiiight, buddy, whatever you say.
So you can see my dilemma.

Dear Macia,
Daaaang girl, you musta robbed a den of snakes of all their sexiness cuz I ain’t NEVER seen such a slither on a woman to make me shiver like this.
Warmly,
h

PMS is burning, nay, simmering inside me. Oh Joy.
The best indicator of PMS for me besides the general crankiness (because, really, how can you discern the general crankiness from the PMS crankiness?) is that I want to pick fights. I really do. At any given time I have the special short list of people with whom I want to pick a fight with. Of course, i love fighting with these particular people because it’s like shooting fish in a barrel. It’s a quick and easy operation to get in, attack and jump out.
Sigh, I couldn’t fight with anyone today because Mark and Ethan told me not to. Stupid Mark and Ethan trying to keep me on the high road. Dumb levelheaded Mark and Ethan keeping me from saying something I might possibly regret (though I doubt I would regret it, I mean at least not until they looked up half the words in the dictionary).

Fine. Be that way, guys, see if I care.