Happy Holidays

This was written Saturday night, but posted elsewhere. I am reposting it here for the 18 of you who actually read this.
So I have approximately 1/2 of the twin cities metropolitan area residents coming to my house tomorrow for a non-secular holidy food eating party. being busy busy with other things and also being a retard, I didn’t plan my menu until this morning.
Went shopping this afternoon, first for Christmas gifts then for food. Along the way I stopped to pick up the wine. I wanted a few specific wines, a spatlese, a sangiovese, a beaujolais villages and of course, prosecco. First liquor store doesn’t have prosecco, so I buy nothing.
Then I hit the grocery store and get most of what I need, understanding that the specialty stuff will have to be purchased at my local grocery and not at the gigantomart.
Stop at home to drop jen off so she can begin the prep work and I can run out to find the wine and get the last few items. She goes to preheat the oven and it doesn’t turn on. It’s been having trouble lately, but it was intermittent. Now there’s nothing. No oven. I have 1.5 million people expected tomorrow and no oven. I put my head down and had a good hard cry.
Then I took my oven apart, thinking that if I could threaten it with the awesome power of my furrowed brow, it might start working. No dice. At least the burners work. So, I triaged the menu, figured out what needed to be baked and called jen’s mom. She generously offered me free reign in her kitchen tomorrow. I set jen up to prep all the items that needed to be baked and set off to pick up wine and olives and raisins.
Liquor store #2 had prosecco with a screw cap. A SCREW CAP. I bought the other wine and some Bailey’s and tried not to cry. Then I headed to Liquor Store #3. I somehow missed my turn and ended up on the other side of the freeway. So I’ll take the long way. Then my dad called, that was good, he’s comforting. Except he just got back from a work trip in Japan and his sleep time is all mixed up so he’s hyper. I want to cry and he wants to tell me about the airplane he flew. We confirm the time that he is coming over and say goodbye. I head in to LS#3. They had some very nice wines, but no prosecco. So I went to the parking lot, fought back tears and headed to LS#4. I searched and searched. They had to have it, liquor stores are closing in 30 minutes and they won’t reopen until Monday.
I ask for the wine and lo! they have it. Pleasant Guy shows me where it is and I say, “If it wasn’t so weird I’d kiss you right here”. And I probably would have.
Head to the grocery store and get kumquats, canola oil, and more cheese. Unfortunately, the olive bar was closed down for the night, meaning I had to come back for olives in the morning. Then some cute guy comes out from behind the cheese counter to help me and when i recount my night of pain he very cutely puts his hand on my shoulder and tells me it will be okay. If things don’t work out between me and the cheese girl I’m hoping maybe this cheese boy might be interested.
Get home, unload, discover that now the stovetop won’t light without a match. Fine, fuck it, we’ll light with a match. My very very dear girl has prepped a bunch of stuff already, currently producing root vegetable skewers at an alarming rate. She’s good.
I make up a box of Kraft macaroni and cheese spirals, call someone, have him listen to me whine about my life. Then I proceed to make horseradish sauce and then eat mac and cheese in his ear. He’s sweet to listen.
Eventually, we’ve done what we could. The girl goes to bed and i spend another 3.5 hours on the phone when I should have been sleeping. Tomorrow, I have a million things to do and clean and a lot of my food needs to be cooked in a kitchen 13 miles away from me. Sigh.
But it will be okay.
Sunday morning we got up and found that the oven decided to work. I don’t question why, I just decree that the oven will not be turned off for the rest of the day.
We keep the oven on, work our asses off to make huge amounts of food and actually find ourselves serving things on time for once. Nice.
All in all the party was a success and pictures will be posted soon enough.