Spoober: I like my soap, it makes me smell nice
ME: I am an octopus I can squeeze you
Spoober: sure you are, how many limbs do you have?
ME: I HAVE 8 LIMBS
ME: I am a mollusk
Spoober: really? tell me more
ME: I am soft bodied and shell free
ME: I am as smart as a dog and I fit in jars
Spoober: very nice
ME: though I spend my day aimlessly roaming I can still find my way
home in a straight line
Spoober: very good!
Spoober: why is that?
ME: because I am an octopus!
Spoober: I know, but is there a reason that you, as an octopus, can find
your way home in a straight line?
ME: because I am smart, I have a good landmark memory.
Spoober: ah, that is very nice.
ME: I eat crabs
Spoober: just crabs?
ME: no I eat fish and squid and other juicy treats
Spoober: isn’t squid a cousin of yours?
ME: yes the squid is also a mollusk
ME: as is the cuttlefish
Spoober: hmm, so do you eat other octopi?
ME: Sometimes I do
ME: they are tasty
Spoober: fascinating.
ME: when my babies are born I will perish
Spoober: I know, Neptune died that way. :(
ME: but my babies will live on
Spoober: which is the beauty of it
ME: I think it is a good argument for celibacy if you ask me
Spoober: maybe you should start an ad campaign like that.
Spoober: don’t have sex because when you have babies you will starve yourself and die

Take your time, answer the questions. I will grade each exam emailed to me. Those who earn a B or better will win a secret!
1) Gravy: roux or slurry? (2 pts)
2) Compare and contrast the fundamental concepts behind Kierkegaard’s ‘Teleological Suspension of the Ethical’ and Machiavelli’s ‘Ends Justify the Means’. Please use modern examples and motivations. (35 pts)
3) Using dinosaurs as the archetype of evolutionary modeling starting with the Permian/Triassic rise from the protomammal and following through to the Cretaceous/Tertiary extinction, explain the benefits and disadvantages of gigantism. Use this to postulate of the state of the relative gigantism of the modern human brain. (30 pts)
4) What have you consumed in the last 24 hours? (15 pts)
5) Please finish this sentence (25pts): The purchase and implementation of conception prevention devices is the responsibility of ___________
6) Simpson’s, better or worse than 5 years ago? (5 pts)
7) Do you like Indian food? (50 pts)