Another thing to add to my list of things that i’d never done but now I have…
Went to a 21+ punk show last night. I’m not a huge fan of punk music, it’s very loud and somewhat nonsensical and most of the songs sound the same and everyone drinks PBR because it’s cheap and it’s very very bad. We knew the people in the band so what the hell, we went and drank and had a good time.
and drank…
and the afterbar was across the street in a garage and you had to pay for the cup if you wanted to drink and we did, so we did.
A lot of stuff happened and suffice to say you probably won’t hear about it from me. The tamest thing was me drunk dialing Ireland at 4:30 in the morning (i’m pretty sure it was 10:30 in the morning there).
So taday is 2 alleve and 4 shots of espresso over ice and quiet. Even Ghengis looks hungover. I’m in the final stages of planning the food for the party. I went to go write out lists and I realized I don’t have a single notebook. Not a one. Anywhere. I think all the notebooks were kept in the desk and the desk and it’s contents went with the ex by default. I was at Target the other day and considered buying a notebook and didn’t. Lord, I can buy body glitter marketed to an 8 year old but a notebook? oh no, not a notebook, that’s just a waste of money. I’m sure David has one somewhere, hopefully he’ll wake up soon.
I think the food for this shindig is going to be the best I’ve done, yet!
If you’ve not been invited you should ask yourself what you’d done that was so ill-mannered that I would not invite you!
yobo out!
oh, PS to the guy with the Saturn coupe…sorry, dude.

I get in my car yesterday and under the windshield wiper is a note. I get out to read it and it’s a fucking creepy note addressed to me. It’s written in block letters to hide the handwriting.
It’s amazing what one single creepy sentance can do to you. I filed a report with security and they are investigating it. Now i am sitting here viewing each of my coworkers suspiciously. I’ve told a few people so they could keep an eye out.
Part of me is pissed off and I want to yell “this is not the way to attract someone!!” but the rest of me knows this has nothing to do with attraction or flirting or whatever.
One note. One incident. I’ll stay calm for now.
Then I had a freaky Target experience. First off, they were having some sort of weird clearance and I ended up getting a 4 pack of toilet bowl cleaner for $4. I have 4 big things of toilet bowl cleaner. That should last me 87 years! They also had a 3 pack of toothpaste on sale for $4. and giant clothes detergent for $3! WOO!
Then I was feeling like i needed to treat myself to a little girliness so I bought my panties (the blue set) and a couple cami’s and went wandering off to find the PowerPuff girls body glitter that the waitress had the other day. No luck finding that, but I did find another body glitter set that had adhesive and everything. Little girls get the coolest stuff.
I leave and of COURSE someone stops me in the parking lot. He is out of gas and needs to get to Bemidji…look he has a daughter…isn’t she cute. I have no cash. Part of me feels bad because I do want to believe this is real. The rest of me knows it isn’t and I hate him for using his little girl like that. He doesn’t want cash, he wants me to drive him to a gas station and buy him gas. Okay…no. You’re not getting in my car, little girl with you or not. I hate being paranoid, but there are just enough fucked up assholes in the world who wouldn’t mind pulling some shit even with their kid in the car.
Fuck.
So I go home and re-excite myself with the body glitter! I go to try it on and find that the adhesive has turned into a solid, stinky rubbery blob. SAD!
Talk to my sister on the phone, she’s getting a hedgehog! YAY! I told her my woes and she said she could get fake eyelash adhesive! That would probably be even safer to put on my eyes than whatever this thing came with!
I just met with the security guard from the Art Institute (they own the ramp that I park in) and they showed me the best places to park so that my car would be under surveillance and gave me permission to park in special parking for a while so they could keep an eye on me.
I am glad that people are taking this seriously and taking measures to make sure I am safe. I should not have to feel unsafe at work!

So I’m making my shopping list for Target. The problem is that I keep thinking of this that I need from target and not writing them down and now I am going because everything is critically low (toothpaste, conditioner, deodorant etc) and lately I haven’t been doing things until the critical point (my car refused to even register the lack of miles left in my gas tank last night). So i’m trying to make my list and I know I am forgetting something super important (you forgot the fucking crown jewels again?? asstard!!). ANYWAY! I need underpants and I have to put that on my list but I know if I write anything liek that on the list one of my coworkers will see it and then it would be all “heather needs underpants!!!” and “wwwooooooo why do you need new underpants?” or even worse “you wear underpants? i thought girls wore panties!”.
Most people would tell you to write something in code, but I know if i write something in code I will find myself wandering the aisles of Target trying to figure out what the fuck i meant by ‘Stampeedums!’ or ‘chiblettes’. My solution was to write the brand name of my underpants on the list…but what is it…what brand underpants do i buy? they come in a 3 pack…I can picture the tag on the front left side of the panties..i can see the tag…WHAT DOES IT SAY???
20 minutes I sat here trying to remember the brand of underpants I wore. I could go to the bathroom but I knew I would remember the name halfway dow to the door and there’s something not quite right about someone who gets so close to the bathroom and then decides to not use it. I freak my coworkers out enough without them pondering my bathroom issues.
Then I remembered and it went on the list!
Most people get paid to do work…
I didn’t eat lunch today which means I will buy more snack food than I should. David asked me if I would be creating a meal of the snack food I bought and I said “yes”. I’m not going to lie. I go to a semi-ghetto Target now, they don’t have the double swank new ass Targets that have groceries but aren’t Super Targets.
Which reminds me, I need to go grocery shopping soon. I need kale. I gave someone a recipe for kale risotto today and I was thinking about it then David mentioned kale and I knew it was time to stock up on the leafy greens. Go me.

It was one of those stupid busy mornings. Everyone was asking for something and I couldn’t just sit at my desk and do my fidgety busy work. My boss kept asking me to do things, then he asked if my fidgety busy work was near completion and I pointed out that I could only really work on FBE when he wasn’t asking me to do other things.
Slightly relatedly…I will happily order food for any departmental function, however, if you feel the need to complain about the price or ask me for cheaper, lower quality food, i will tell you to do it yourself. I KNOW what the budget is for food for departmental functions. We do not exceed this budget. If you want Pizza Hut pizza then YOU pick the pizzas. I’ll call, but that’s it.
We were so busy i was an hour late calling davidusan. Damn.
Also, had I known the sad, pouty face worked on my boss as well, i’d have employed it YEARS ago. Seriously! It was like magic.
Okay, so, party in august, texas in september, NYC in October. How does that sound? Sounds perfect.
okay, later, we talk about toys.

a block from the house I get a stabbing pain in my skull. Manage to park the car, get inside and take pain killers. I try to look at cook books for party food ideas and fall asleep. The dogs curl up with me and I dream about drunk driving, the largest dinner ever made for a family reunion and shunning reconciliation.
Now i’m groggy and slow, my head still hurts, though not as sharply as before. David’s getting dinner for me. Sweet guy, that david.
Talked with the vet for a long time today. We’re set on a plan for Maddie, starting slow with easier treatments including peanut butter and pheromones, and working our way up as needed. She assures me that this is not surprising given what Maddie’s been through. I totally figured getting an adult dog would be easier than a puppy. No housetraining, no teething, no obnoxious jumping when you are trying to snuggle with your boy. Yeah, we don’t have those issues, we have others that are equally as time consuming.
Also, I have to set her up with an opthamologist to get her eyes looked at.
For the first time ever I saw her choose a toy and play with it tonight. It’s a remnant of a stinky dinosaur. Ghengis is jealous as that was one of his favorites (though he never plays with it anymore). Now they are play-fighting over it. Not only does it make him crazy to see her playing with his toy, he just can’t stand that she’s playing alone and not with him.
Jackasses
Two people were shot and killed at the end of the block where I work. I feel so ghetto. Initial reports made it sound like a botched robbery which upset a lot of people on campus since we sort of regularly (not so regularly but often enough) have people mugged at gunpoint as they leave campus. More than one of my coworkers has dealt with this. Now it looks like this was more of a work related/inside job sort of murder. It has nothing to do with the campus or my coworkers.
Normally I can’t hear outside noises in my house, it’s sealed up too tight and insulated too well. This morning the thunderstorm to end all thunderstorms woke me up and scared the shit out of me. Not so cool.
Alright banjoheads, i’m off to put my head down and await my dinner.