Selective disgust

I hate mushrooms. I fucking hate them. I hate them more than onions or freeform jazz or individually wrapped prunes (who needs individually wrapped prunes?? WHO???? who says “I will pay more for fewer prunes and more trash to add to the landfill and more plastic made from petroleum products!!”?). I really hate mushrooms.
The veggie burgers at work (which are also the same served at Burger King) have bits of mushroom in there. my vegetarian options at the work cafeteria are pretty limited most days, mac and cheese, cheese sandwich, eggsalad sandwich, veggie burger and the occasional fake meat chicken sandwich. The veggie burger has mushrooms in it. I hate mushrooms. Most days I don’t have time to make a lunch (read: I don’t make a lunch because I am sitting still and envisioning buttcracks). Most days I don’t actually eat lunch but i do a couple times a week. I know the mushrooms are there but I order it and have it loaded with mustard, lettuce, tomato, pickles and banana peppers and then I scarf it down and try try try to not imagine the mushrooms, try not to notice them in my mouth being the worst things ever. I just eat fast. Until I notice a mushroom and gag like hell. and keep gagging until I get everything out of my mouth.
This is a sign of a sick mind.

3 thoughts on “Selective disgust

  1. …is it wrong that my first impulse was to figure out what I could make for you wtih mushrooms in it that you would never suspect they lurked within? am guessing yes.

  2. yes. Yes, that is in fact very wrong. and don’t think you can grind them up in meatloaf. it’s been tried and loaf hit the floor.

  3. I hate mushrooms as well. They smell funny, have those weird ripple-y underbellies that seem to exist only to grow MORE fungus…and they are just scary overall. I know that a lot of people like them, make them cute by putting polka-dots on them and do other equally smurfy things, but that is just PR bullshit.
    PS I love your column on ravelry…it makes me snort whilst pretending to work.

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