pregnant hippo cow

April and Keith, being awesome, procured for me a copy of the show about Jessica the Hippo. These people are living my dream. They have a tame pet hippo! I mean I know they act like they’ve been hands off and allowed her to be as wild as she wants, but wild hippos don’t want to be hand fed sweet potatoes and get full body massages every night. Mostly wild hippos want to kill your face. And then shit on it when they’re done.
Jessica chills with puppies, doesn’t want to eat healthy food, breaks into the house and busts the bed all up. The people who live with Jessica….dang man, that’s the dream. Perfect hippo, hippo in the house, a yard with a hippo in it, a hippo that licks puppies!
I’m trying to figure out what sort of karma points I need to build up to get my own awesome hippo. Should I travel back in time and shoot Hitler? Eat 14 bowls of Cheerios in a row? Swallow an eel? Get “your mom” tattooed on my ass with an arrow pointing at my crack?
Please!!!! What do I have to do to get a hippo? My own hippo?

5 thoughts on “pregnant hippo cow

  1. OMG, I so saw that show, and I made my husband and brother watch it as well. I don’t think they got quite the kick out of it that I did. How sad were you when you found out about Charlie??

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