one more wave to tumble through

All was well, everything was fine. There I was, in the shower and another wave from the ocean of grief knocked me down.
I was blindsided.
This morning, all I wanted was Ghengis back for just one day. Just one day to play stinky dinosaur and go to the dog park, one day to feed him carrots and play tug-o-war.
One day to hold him, to smell him, to tickle his big fat paws again. To rub his belly and listen to him mudgeon around. To give him Frosty Paws and take his picture. I just want to see him sit up and pray one more time. I just want to take him on one more walk. One more evening of him passed out on my lap.
I want to watch him tumble around on the floor with David and Maddie again. I want to see them feel the joy of having Ghengis back for one more day. I want to see him tuck face into David’s belly as he gets pets.
One more night with him curled against my belly as I fall asleep with my face in his fur like we did so many times before. He’d be gone when I woke up. I’d have my day. I would like a weekend. I would love to have forever.
But I don’t want to be greedy.
Please, just one day?

here and now

ooooh here!
What are you reduced to when you stay after work to update your blog?
My god, people, this is how much I care! I care!!
1) The amazing tech guys here at work managed to get my hard drive moving. Much of the data was corrupted, the files were a mess. Nothing was where I left it. I did find a folder of movies I had made of Ghengis. I am so so grateful for that. Of the 10gb’s of music I had, there were maybe 8 albums to be found. that was just weird. Does anyone know how iTunes deals with replacing music like that? I’ve purchased a few things through them, music and audiobooks and whatnot. I will have to figure that out. My laptop needs a new hard drive and a new fan. Considerably cheaper than a new computer! Hopefully I can get that taken care of before too long.
2) I went to Fleet Farm last night. How freaky is that? Fleet Farm is all about hunting and farming and sponge candy!!! Weird weird weird. On the other hand, they had canning jars for stupid cheap. $6.39 for a dozen 8 ounce jars. I got me 8 dozen jars. I’m turning into a crazy old lady, I can feel it. They also had a 23 quart pressure canner for $80 which is the cheapest I’ve ever seen them. If anyone is at a loss for what to get me for Christmas, I’m thinking either season 2 of Lost on DVD or the 23 quart pressure canner (the kind with the read out dial).
2a) Fleet Farm has everything in the world, but they have it for cheap. I stocked up on pig ears and chicken jerky for the dogs. I’m beginning to think I am the only person on the planet that is not freaked out by pig ears. Yeah, they’re greasy and still have hair on them, they come from pigs! They also smell bad. But the dogs love them. They don’t bother me one bit.
3) As I mentioned before I will be leaving for the weekend! Go me! I’ll be up at my mom’s canning like made, trying to get christmas presents done. If I know you and love you, you’re getting jars of something for christmas. If I know you and don’t necessarily like you, you’ll get a jar of something, but it might also have botulism in it!
3a) I want to start making my own pickles. The problem is that I think I would enjoy the process of making pickles but I just don’t think I would eat them and there’s just only so much you can pawn off on your friends before you start noticing unopened jars in their trash.
3b) I also want to start making bbq sauce. Maybe I can get farther with that.
okay my peeps, I’m off to pick up Anna. We’re going to have Tube of Burrito night and then we’re going to can the mustard! Go us.