Spoober: I like my soap, it makes me smell nice
ME: I am an octopus I can squeeze you
Spoober: sure you are, how many limbs do you have?
ME: I HAVE 8 LIMBS
ME: I am a mollusk
Spoober: really? tell me more
ME: I am soft bodied and shell free
ME: I am as smart as a dog and I fit in jars
Spoober: very nice
ME: though I spend my day aimlessly roaming I can still find my way
home in a straight line
Spoober: very good!
Spoober: why is that?
ME: because I am an octopus!
Spoober: I know, but is there a reason that you, as an octopus, can find
your way home in a straight line?
ME: because I am smart, I have a good landmark memory.
Spoober: ah, that is very nice.
ME: I eat crabs
Spoober: just crabs?
ME: no I eat fish and squid and other juicy treats
Spoober: isn’t squid a cousin of yours?
ME: yes the squid is also a mollusk
ME: as is the cuttlefish
Spoober: hmm, so do you eat other octopi?
ME: Sometimes I do
ME: they are tasty
Spoober: fascinating.
ME: when my babies are born I will perish
Spoober: I know, Neptune died that way. :(
ME: but my babies will live on
Spoober: which is the beauty of it
ME: I think it is a good argument for celibacy if you ask me
Spoober: maybe you should start an ad campaign like that.
Spoober: don’t have sex because when you have babies you will starve yourself and die

Take your time, answer the questions. I will grade each exam emailed to me. Those who earn a B or better will win a secret!
1) Gravy: roux or slurry? (2 pts)
2) Compare and contrast the fundamental concepts behind Kierkegaard’s ‘Teleological Suspension of the Ethical’ and Machiavelli’s ‘Ends Justify the Means’. Please use modern examples and motivations. (35 pts)
3) Using dinosaurs as the archetype of evolutionary modeling starting with the Permian/Triassic rise from the protomammal and following through to the Cretaceous/Tertiary extinction, explain the benefits and disadvantages of gigantism. Use this to postulate of the state of the relative gigantism of the modern human brain. (30 pts)
4) What have you consumed in the last 24 hours? (15 pts)
5) Please finish this sentence (25pts): The purchase and implementation of conception prevention devices is the responsibility of ___________
6) Simpson’s, better or worse than 5 years ago? (5 pts)
7) Do you like Indian food? (50 pts)

my mind is like a bottomless pit of peanut butter
take what you need, make cookies, sandwiches, sauces out of it.
chew it, consider it, appreciate it.
most of all, cover it when done

All of my wishing and hoping and fervent nighttime prayer has come to fruition and I have joined the ranks of ‘Saab Girls’ all over the world. That’s right, i am now the very very proud owner of a 1999 Cobalt Blue Saab 9’3 Turbo.
This car can really only be described with one word:
SWEET
This car has more features than a human being needs in a car…
* Dead Cow: Everything is covered in leather, the seats, the dashoard, the steering wheel, the gear shift, the little details on the doors. Many cows gave their lives so that I might slip more easily into my seat (they also gave their lives so that I might eat them, but that is a different post).
* Heated Seats: Yeah, that’s right baby, at the push of a button my seat warms up. May not be important to many, but I live in Minnesota. The front passenger also gets to partake in this Festival Of Ass Warmth.
* Headlight Wipers: HEADLIGHT WIPERS!!! I push a button and these tiny wipers on my headlights spray wiper fluid and clean the headlights off. I can’t even see them running, but I use them for the sheer novelty of tiny wipers.
* Sun Roof: Not terribly exciting, but gives me the opportunity to watch the clouds when I am stuck in traffic.
* Turbo: No one ever thinks they need a turbo, “Why do I need a turbo, eh? My car, it goes just fine. Go on with your turbo.”. Drive a car with a turbo just once and you will weep salty tears when you go back to your slowmobile. The turbo uses a fan to make a funnel of air blah blah blah. Basically, it’s like Star Trek, you hover for a second, then your car stretches and warps through time and space. My turbo goes so fast that i can sleep until noon and still get to work before 8am.
* Safety Features: Saabs have more safety features than you can shake a stick at. And if you shook a stick at me while I was in my car, it would protect me from that too. Should I nudge, scrape or bump into anything, my car will immediately fill up with pillows of safety. I have airbags everywhere in this thing AND since I am short, I can turn them off if they are deemed more harmful than helpful. Four wheel anti-lock disc brakes so that i can come out of hyper-turbo drive with a minimum of effort. And Saab’s crumple zones ensure that if I get into an accident, the entire car will crumple up and absorb the impact leaving me in a little safe box full of airbags.
* Other Stuff: CD, 4 doors, enough trunk space for 3 adult bodies or many midgets, cruise, air, a button that says ‘S’, security system, 1000 different ways to fold and adjust the seats, fog lamps and it goes “bweep-op” whenever you push a button on the remote.
So all in all a very merry Christmas to me. If you want a ride, let me know!