Today is a day of amazing anger. I am having the worst time keeping it in check. I want my little dog back. I want to kick and punch and scream until he breathes again. I want everyone to hurt as much as I do.
I want to hit everyone who doesn’t
I want my dog back

I underestimated. I thought Maddie would be confused but be fine.
Her pack order is all fucked up, she is reverting to her previous seperation anxiety behaviors. Oh, Maddie, I am so sorry. Not right away, but soon, I will find you another friend.

Grief is a sword without a handle that you swallow and cannot remove. Grief is the inside of your heart shattering and the shards circulating through your body ceaselessly. Grief is an ever growing lead weight in your chest that you cannot vomit up.
If you have a headache you can take a pill, a stomachache can be puked away. Anger can be walked off and joy shared with many.
Grief is inescapable. It is always there. You do what you can to distract yourself, but at any moment a rage of memories will flood through your mind and the pain peaks once again.
Yesterday, many people cried for Ghengis, even a gruff old carpenter stood at my desk and cried with me. Ghengis was so loved by so many people and his loss will be felt for a long time.
Right now, his loss is felt as an amazing, searing pain in my chest that I can ignore for short spurts but cannot escape. I am incredibly lucky to have David here. His ability to comfort me through this is what keeps me going.
I appreciate all of the kind words and sentiments. It shows that not only was Ghengis loved but so am I and so are David and Maddie.