“Stupid babies need the most attention.”
aaah the Simpsons.
Yesterday’s PMS weep-a-long songs: Exit Movie for a Film and Karma Police. Karma Police? Yeah, I don’t know either. But you try wailing “for a minute there, I lost myself…I lost myself” while you have pms and the sky is drizzle grey. You just try it.
With all the talk of Radiohead’s new album I had to pop OK Computer into the cd player. It is the bar to which all their other albums are compared. After Hail to the Thief, I’m going to wait a bit until I buy In Rainbows.
Yeah, hooray for PMS. As a rule, I’m not one to suffer fools gladly, but I have even less patience for people now. Luckily no one at work has brought me any drama. This PMS is worse than usual and if I have to hear one more complaint about not being able to find a girlfriend or how unhappy someone is in their relationship I’m going to scream. You can’t find a girlfriend because you are seriously fucked in the head and I’ve been telling you that for 5 years now. As for you, “Mr I’m not happy with my wife”, the reason you are unhappy is because you are a ball-less shit who lets others think for you and then complains about the results. Grow up, grow a spine and stop complaining to me over and over and over about her. Just leave, I suspect she’d be just as happy with you gone. Though I do wonder why she doesn’t leave because if you are like this at home I’d have stuffed you in a trash can long ago. Wiener.
okay. Kind of feeling better now.
I think the lesson is, do not bring me non-drama and pretend it is drama and DO NOT bring me self generated drama. If your life sucks it’s probably because YOU decided to let it suck.
whoa, PMS and feeling like an asshole.
Author Archives: bubbo
Maybe too polite?
David is one of those guys that’s really thoughtful and polite. David is the guy that ALWAYS puts the seat down.
I appreciate that he does this. More than once I’ve dipped my fat ass in the creepy cold toilet water in the middle of the night. No one wants to have a cold wet ass in the middle of the night. Okay, I concede, there ARE some people who do want a cold wet ass in the middle of the night. I don’t know these people.
Here’s the problem (oh ho, isn’t there always a problem!), David not only puts the seat down, but also the cover. Yes, this is the neat and tidy thing to do, but it’s really problematic for someone like me. I’m a compulsive bladder ignorer. I admit it. I feel the urge to pee but I wait. And wait. And wait. Because there are 8 million things more interesting than peeing.
By the time I do get to the bathroom I’m bent over in an obscene prayer of mercy for my pants! All of my willpower is funneled into keeping my bladder shut. All my muscular control is there in my lower abdomen. I can barely work my fingers to get my pants down.
How the hell am I supposed to manage the toilet cover in this condition???? I can’t!
Relatedly, it is equally disturbing to sit on a toilet seat cover in the middle of the night. It feels like the toilet has risen up to greet you, but doesn’t want your pee.
I’m like June Cleaver with an intestinal problem
It’s 7am. I’ve been up since 6am. I get up early, read my messages, and then I whip on my pearls and heels and get started.
By 6:30am I am ready to get David out of bed. He is greeted with coffee, oatmeal with raisins and a hot bath. He can move from warm bed to warm bath with a minimum of discomfort. Sometimes I make his lunch, but not always. I help him gather his things for work and get him out the door.
Of course this means he’s Ward Cleaver and the dogs are Wally and The Beav. Wally and Beaver seem to be having hormone issues.
not really all that grown up
it’s almost 9:20pm and I haven’t eaten dinner yet. I’m sitting here, starving half to death (STAAAAAAARVING). I am waiting for the dishwasher to get done so I can get my giant cereal bowl out and make a great big bowl of Reeses Puffs/Fruity Cheerios/Multigrain Cheerios.
God forbid I take a moment and think of something real to eat. oh no, it would be too much effort! No, I’ll just slump my body over to one side and wait for the
HA! as I type this the dishwasher made its special “I’m done!” groan. Now I have to go run cold water over my bowl so I don’t have to eat hot cheerios.
My Life: A Ken Burns Documentary
I have this screensaver on my computer that randomly displays photos from my iPhoto library. Sure, fine, lots of people have this.
But here’s the thing, I also clicked the ‘cross fade’ and ‘zoom’ options. Now the photos fade in and out and then we slowly pan the photos while zooming in. It’s exactly like a fucking Ken Burns documentary. When I’m sitting and crocheting I like to listen to NPR podcasts (because I’m a nerd). I flip on the screensaver and there it is, photo documentary the seems to go with whatever I am listening to (most of the time…).
Sometimes, the screensaver is itself the most fascinating thing to look at. Sure, I can go into my iPhoto library any time, but the randomness of it all that gets me. A photo from Key West, then one of the bathroom remodel, the 10th anniversary trip with Jen to Savannah, then David and I celebrating Christmas. The pan and zoom over the photo invokes a reaction, like the computer is leading you to focus on something specific. It makes you feel like there is a story with every photo. Apparently I have 6500 stories on my computer.
I don’t know if there is some metric programmed in that figures out where to focus the zoom, but 9 times out of 10, it focuses on the subject of the photo with alarming clarity. Watching it focus on Ghengis is not exactly the easiest thing to watch, but I quietly tell myself the story of every one of his pictures and remember him. Perhaps I will commission a Ghengis documentary and hire Ken Burns! Or maybe I’ll stick to my screen saver.