Morning Times

Sometimes you wake up happy and you’re in the kitchen and you start making up songs to sing while you make your coffee. And sometimes you don’t realize that your kitchen window is open and that the neighbor’s kitchen window, situated less than 5 feet away, is also open.
And sometimes you just have to belt out “Why don’t you… come over here……and stuff your….FINGERS UP INTO MY BUTTHOLE!!!!!!!” Yay mornings!

To beautiful Viivi Hazel

Welcome, Viivi
My little niece, how wonderful that you arrived! You’re probably tired, you’ll need some rest to help build up the energy you’ll need for our later adventures. I don’t have a complete list ready but so far we have: learn to swear, how to get out of cleaning your room, how to make perfect ‘mothers-day-breakfast-in-bed’ pancakes, what to do if there isn’t a toilet near by, how to taste cheese, crocheting, the legend of the moonboots, how to turn any surface into a functioning drum set, prepare rack of lamb, hair coloring, cheating at scrabble, bake chewy cookies, knowing puffy Cheetohs are far superior to the crunchy ones especially because no one wants to eat them and you get the whole bag to yourself, and AND AND how to get the entire planet to swing you, spin you all around the solar system