wherein I tell you things that are the things that happen

1. The battery in my cell phone doesn’t really hold a charge anymore. The phone is 3 years old, which in disposable technocrap years makes it a fossil already. So, okay, I need to go to tmobile and pick a new phone and re-up the contract. I start looking at the phones and I start getting weird. I used to think I was turning into a grumpy curmudgeon type whenever I got upset over the phones but yesterday I realized to my great horror that I was actually channeling Bill Cosby!

The Simpsons – Cosby Show Guest Star Season: 6The best video clips are right here
oh yes, there I am looking at the various phone options and it starts happening, “all I want is a phone, a phone on which to engage in calls….pffft now it’s all touch screens and video and music, why do I need my phone to have music? my god! what is wrong with people?!”
Now, it’s pretty bad to start channeling a guy with questionable decision making skills when it comes to sweaters, but it is actually much worse than this. The very first few phones are pretty much exactly what I want, Nokia, flip phone (because I never lock my keys and that can cause…issues), takes photos and probably has a calculator (the calculator on my phone gets used all the time when I am yarn shopping and I am trying to determine price per yard for yarns). There are like 3 of these phones, each slightly different but each pretty much offering nothing more than I need AND…THEY ARE ALL FREE WITH A CONTRACT!!!
Seriously, there is no reason for me to even look at the other phones! The phone that I want is right there and yet I go see what else there is and suddenly I’m possessed by the demon of the quiescently frozen pudding based treats.
Just pick the first free phone and be DONE. I know I don’t want a blackberry or a google phone and Motorola phones can go suck it twice and puke in the gutter. Just get the first phone.

hell yeah

3. I had some stuff to say about Bobby Jindal, but, you know, too easy…

During Katrina, I visited Sheriff Harry Lee, a Democrat and a good friend of mine. When I walked into his makeshift office, I’d never seen him so angry. He was yelling into the phone: “Well, I’m the sheriff and if you don’t like it you can come and arrest me!” I asked him: “Sheriff, what’s got you so mad?” He told me that he had put out a call for volunteers to come with their boats to rescue people who were trapped on their rooftops by the floodwaters.
The boats were all lined up ready to go — when some bureaucrat showed up and told them they couldn’t go out on the water unless they had proof of insurance and registration. I told him, “Sheriff, that’s ridiculous.” And before I knew it, he was yelling into the phone: “Congressman Jindal is here, and he says you can come and arrest him too!” Harry just told the boaters to ignore the bureaucrats and start rescuing people.
There is a lesson in this experience: The strength of America is not found in our government. It is found in the compassionate hearts and enterprising spirit of our citizens.

um, seriously? You’re using Hurricane Katrina as a metaphor for national responsibility? really? oooh, wait, it doesn’t matter because that anecdote never happened
4. Dear Jermaine Dupri, perhaps if musicians started producing solidly good albums instead of crap with glitter we’d want to buy the whole album. I think consumers are pretty clearly saying that they don’t want all that you have to offer.
5. Got sick over the weekend, had a bit of a fever. started taking my temp regularly to see how it was going. I’ve discovered that my temp fluctuates between 97.4 F and 99.5 F all back and forth during the day. I meant to chart it today to see if I could find a pattern but I got distracted by Anna and some chicken and David Attenborough.

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