Last night, after much running and looking and eating of egg salad sandwiches we saw Autistic License at the Illusion Theatre. The was great, very honest, very sad and very funny. I’d recommend it, but it’s done. Sorry.
Anyway, that’s not why I’m here to talk to you today. I’m here to talk to you about a different, more pressing issue.
Last night as we were walking from the theatre to the car we happened by the new and oddly named B.A.N.K. restaurant. I probably would not have given it another thought but they had a tent sign out front. On this sign they were advertising “Handcrafted Cocktails”. What does that mean exactly? Could somebody define “handcrafted” as it might apply to cocktails? and as such, how is this different than other places that make and serve cocktails?
Of course the word “handcrafted” brings to mind a long trained and deeply serious artisan, one who uses a cocktail shaker “handcrafted” by the reclusive cocktail monks of south jersey. A man so well trained in the art of cocktail making that he might tell you the difference between a cosmo and an old fashioned or something like that.
Somehow, I suspect that in this usage, “handcrafted” might be a very efficient way to say “we have a 3 page menu of shitty, overpriced ‘martinis’ with vaguely dirty names chock full of cheap flavored schnapps.” Yes, I can see the bar filling up with a crowd of suburban women out on the town for a bachelorette party! They got kicked out of the 90’s for being too obnoxious during the drag show and went to B.A.N.K. to get wasted on “Royal Mounties”*, “hula hoops”** and “linebackers”***.
* vodka, cranberry, maple syrup
** vodka, cointreau, slice of pineapple
*** vodka, lemonade, rohypnol