sleep junkie

I have 3 prescriptions for sleeping pills. Ambien, Trazadone and Vistaril. As a long term chronic insomniac I feel I earned these pills through years of sleepless nights and the resultant depression, paranoia and psychotic giddiness.
Ambien is a nice little drug. Tiny white pill, puts me to sleep in about 30 minutes. Keeps me asleep for about 4-6 hours. Vistaril and Trazadone do not put me to sleep, but they keep me asleep once I get there. Taken together, an Ambien and Vistaril will put me into such a solid state of sleep for 12 hours or more. I cannot take the Vistaril if I have to work the next day, it’s impossible for me to be awake enough.
For the last 2 nights I’ve had to take the Ambien. I cannot explain to you what it feels like to finally sleep after so many restless nights. The sleep comes to you like deep warm pillows of fresh baked bread, conforting you, cradling you, holding you aloft.
While they say the pills are “non habit forming” I say they are wrong. I have a strict rule that no matter what, I do not take them more than 2 days in a row for I find myself on the second day literally CRAVING the sleep, the weight of drowsiness, the way one might crave an extra ripe mango or homemade ice cream.
This morning, as I was driving to work, I considered turning around, going home, and taking another Ambien. It wouldn’t hurt, would it? just one? just spend the day wrapped up and snoozing.
And that’s like the first sign of addiction, isn’t it? Just go ask Nancy Reagan! I was willing to forego my adult responsibilities in exchange for drug induced sleep.
Some people go out and drink every night of the week, others hide in dingy rooms and shoot up. I’m a sleep junkie.
My name is heather and I am addicted to sleep.
(ps Lenscrafters tried to charge me over $350 to replace just the lenses in 2 pairs of glasses. The people at Lenscrafters are fucking insane)

3 thoughts on “sleep junkie

  1. Well sweetie, I still think you wanna make sure you’re taking some non-pharmaceutical action against the underlying causes of your insomnia. You may have earned the right to the pills, but you deserve to not have to take them, too.

  2. I’ve tried a whole hell of a lot of things, and I can tell you this…Drinking warm milk to fall asleep is a little like sucking dick for protein. Sure, it’s nice, but the effectiveness…well, it leaves a lot to be desired

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