one more wave to tumble through

All was well, everything was fine. There I was, in the shower and another wave from the ocean of grief knocked me down.
I was blindsided.
This morning, all I wanted was Ghengis back for just one day. Just one day to play stinky dinosaur and go to the dog park, one day to feed him carrots and play tug-o-war.
One day to hold him, to smell him, to tickle his big fat paws again. To rub his belly and listen to him mudgeon around. To give him Frosty Paws and take his picture. I just want to see him sit up and pray one more time. I just want to take him on one more walk. One more evening of him passed out on my lap.
I want to watch him tumble around on the floor with David and Maddie again. I want to see them feel the joy of having Ghengis back for one more day. I want to see him tuck face into David’s belly as he gets pets.
One more night with him curled against my belly as I fall asleep with my face in his fur like we did so many times before. He’d be gone when I woke up. I’d have my day. I would like a weekend. I would love to have forever.
But I don’t want to be greedy.
Please, just one day?

here and now

ooooh here!
What are you reduced to when you stay after work to update your blog?
My god, people, this is how much I care! I care!!
1) The amazing tech guys here at work managed to get my hard drive moving. Much of the data was corrupted, the files were a mess. Nothing was where I left it. I did find a folder of movies I had made of Ghengis. I am so so grateful for that. Of the 10gb’s of music I had, there were maybe 8 albums to be found. that was just weird. Does anyone know how iTunes deals with replacing music like that? I’ve purchased a few things through them, music and audiobooks and whatnot. I will have to figure that out. My laptop needs a new hard drive and a new fan. Considerably cheaper than a new computer! Hopefully I can get that taken care of before too long.
2) I went to Fleet Farm last night. How freaky is that? Fleet Farm is all about hunting and farming and sponge candy!!! Weird weird weird. On the other hand, they had canning jars for stupid cheap. $6.39 for a dozen 8 ounce jars. I got me 8 dozen jars. I’m turning into a crazy old lady, I can feel it. They also had a 23 quart pressure canner for $80 which is the cheapest I’ve ever seen them. If anyone is at a loss for what to get me for Christmas, I’m thinking either season 2 of Lost on DVD or the 23 quart pressure canner (the kind with the read out dial).
2a) Fleet Farm has everything in the world, but they have it for cheap. I stocked up on pig ears and chicken jerky for the dogs. I’m beginning to think I am the only person on the planet that is not freaked out by pig ears. Yeah, they’re greasy and still have hair on them, they come from pigs! They also smell bad. But the dogs love them. They don’t bother me one bit.
3) As I mentioned before I will be leaving for the weekend! Go me! I’ll be up at my mom’s canning like made, trying to get christmas presents done. If I know you and love you, you’re getting jars of something for christmas. If I know you and don’t necessarily like you, you’ll get a jar of something, but it might also have botulism in it!
3a) I want to start making my own pickles. The problem is that I think I would enjoy the process of making pickles but I just don’t think I would eat them and there’s just only so much you can pawn off on your friends before you start noticing unopened jars in their trash.
3b) I also want to start making bbq sauce. Maybe I can get farther with that.
okay my peeps, I’m off to pick up Anna. We’re going to have Tube of Burrito night and then we’re going to can the mustard! Go us.

oh my god

I want my computer back! I want the comforting sound of emails coming in every minute. I want to be able to look up common porn names and see how often they overlap on a whime.
I don’t want to sit in the basement to use David’s computer.
Sigh.
Also, dogs are way way way cute.
David is super neato
I’ll be out of town this weekend and that will help the withdrawals

well…crap

It seems my laptop is well and truly fucked. Not just regular fucked, but double plus fucked. Hard.
It’s sitting upstairs in the tech guy cave being worked on. Initial efforts were futile, hours of work yielded no results. Starting tomorrow they will do the hard core data recovery thing they do. It will take 3 days. If it works I will be happy, if it doesn’t work the base price for data recovery at the recommended tech shop in town is $250. Then add a new hard drive ($200 for labor and materials and a new fan ($100 for labor and materials). Jesus, I could cry.
I am trying to decide how important my data is. I got my photos off there and for that I am grateful. If I hadn’t there’d be no discussion. I’d do whatever it took to recover my Ghengis photos. I woud like my emails back. I’m not much of an email archiver. I’ll save things for a while and then cull the lot. I’d recently cut out anything I was saving for pointless sentimental value. On the other hand, I did have every email David ever sent me and I would like those back. The music? meh. Most of that can be found again. Much of it is on cd’s somewhere.
There are some documents, articles I’d written and had published, bits and pieces I’d pulled from one place or another. In the scheme of things, nothing too terrible.
The hard part? I don’t know what to do with myself when I’m sitting there at home alone. usually I have 2 or three things going, a movie, a crochet project, the cooking group…I got none of that. Sigh-bot. I’ll actually have to be productive now.
If anyone would like to kick into a fund to get me a new MacBook pro, it would be greatly appreciated.

Book ’em, Dano!

In order to use up quickly failing pineapple, I made a jam!
Hawaii 5-0 jam made with pineapple, lemon, orange, love and ginger! It was an experiment and it turned out delicious.
Went to Costco with Keith and David today to buy a metric buttload of things to turn into jams, relishes and whatnot. I’m totally ready for this. Now I just need to go to Fleet Farm and buy jars.
Thank you to Alex for inspiring me again!