dog dynamics

The other day I was in the kitchen cooking and it occured to me that the dogs had been awfully quiet for some time now. As much as you might want the dogs to be quiet, a pair of quiet dogs is usually a pair of dogs that has teamed up and conspired against you.
I put down my rubber spatula and walked into the living room…

It seems like one of those quiet Rockwellesque moments, but there’s something far more sinister at work here.
Maddie isn’t really a chewer. She will sometimes chew a pig ear or some chicken jerky, but she’s really not all that interested in chewing. She can take hours and hours to chew a rawhide strip, the same strip that Chester or Ghengis would devour in 30 minutes or less. Maddie is not a chewer, but she can be mean.
That’s not her bone, it’s Chester’s bone. Chester DOES chew things but he does not chew rawhide bones. In some cryptic bit of wiring in his head, he cannot actually stop to chew those things he loves to chew the most, he must bury them. He will spend the better part of an afternoon ‘burying’ a bone behind the sofa or under some cushions or in a box of packing peanuts by the backdoor waiting to go down to the basement. After he has buried it, he will find a bone that he has previously buried and he will move that to a new location and bury it all over again. he will do this over and over and over, burying and moving and burying and moving. It’s not uncommon for me to stumble across in a bucket of rags or in with my yarn.
This bone that Maddie has in this photo was one of his favorites, he spent a lot of time and energy trying to keep that bone safe. Maddie found that bone and she took it to her bed, the one place where she is ‘safe’. She must have spent a good hour there intently gnawing on his bone, chewing it up and there was nothing he could do.
When I walked into the living room he just sighed dejectedly and watched her chew.
I only laughed. I laughed and laughed at them. I’m that kind of dog owner. Then I took photos and posted them on the internet.
She doesn’t chew. No, not unless it’s Chester’s bone and she is seeking revenge!

what the hell does this mean?

So, a few years ago I was wondering if I might like flannel sheets. On one hand it seemed like a nice, cozy idea for Minnesota winters, on the other hand, they might be too hot for this girl who occasionally turns into a little furnace at night.
Target had some flannel sheets on super clearance and it was decided that this was the best way to find out. I could get the warm, flannel sheets and if I did not liek them then I would not be out a lot of money. Turns out I did like having the flannel sheets in the winter, they were snuggly and warm and very comfortable. They unfortunate side, though, was that they really only put the sheets that no one likes on ultra clearance. If people liked them, then they would sell and would not need to go on ultra clearance. These sheets are ugly as hell. Bad pea soup green with ducks, duck hunters and hunting dogs splattered across in some incredibly ugly motif. These are the kind of sheets an autistic hunter would love.
They’re ugly as hell.
What does it mean that I saw those same exact sheets used on the set of internet porn? What is the world coming to when production values at porn houses fall to cheap clearance bedding that looks awful on camera. What does it say about me that I share this in common with them?

It’s the king!

We did Christmas dinner at my sister’s and it was a lovely time. My sister puts on a lovely feast. Potato souffle’, green beans with herbs de provence and ham…HAM! the king of the pink meats!
April’s special guy cemented his status as “good enough for my sister” by putting away the Skyy and breaking out the Ketel One for me. He also kept mixing me vodka tonics all night long. I lost count at 5, it may have been as many as 7. I’m just not sure.
We ate, we talked, we caught up on happenings, we wiggled in and out of those uncomfortable family conversations and we generally had a good time. Didn’t get home until after midnight and it was only with considerable effort on my sister’s part to kick our asses out of there.
(note to April, if you want to get rid of us, don’t bust out the good stuff…a bottle of Stoli would have had my out of there by 8! no lie!)
I also had a major envy moment when my sister came up in a pair of flannel jammies with santa lobsters all over them. I want those!
My uncle Russell and Aunt Carol are in town with their girls, Emily and Rosalie and they will be heading over this afternoon to see the dogs, harass the lizards and visit. I’m really looking forward to this, but I really need to get this place cleaned up. I also need to get some leftover ham into me!
Also, David is playing his guitar and the speaker is next to my head and I get to play with the settings. Guitar on phaser…pretty sweet.