After my surgery they gave me a bottle of vicodin to take as needed (up to 8 in a 24 hour period). I took the vicodin. I took the vicodin and chilled and napped and watched movies and chilled and napped and had my picture taken to be placed next to the definition of ‘chilled’ in the dictionary.
Then I started to notice something strange. I was in love with everything! EVERYTHING! Whenever I went to bed it became the most comfortable bed ever. My naps on the sofa were the most comfortable naps ever. My dogs were the funniest things ever, movies had never been so entertaining.
The Friday after my surgery I was making a chicken sandwich (by which I mean I was gracelessly tearing chicken off the carcass with my left hand and slapping it on sloppily mayonaissed bread), I took the sandwich, my baby carrots and my spicy hummus and sat down to watch more Battlestar Galactica. The first bite was good, the second was better.
OH MY GOD!!! This was the best chicken sandwich I had ever eaten! I wanted to get on my cooking group and tell them the secret to the chicken sandwich, I wanted to figure out how to describe it on here so YOU, my faithful readers, would know the love of a good chicken sandwich.
I knew that even if I described it, you would not appreciate it unless you were here with me and I made it for you with my left hand. This was the chicken sandwich prophesied in the bible, “and, lo, the wrong armed temptress would create a sumptuous dish of fowl and multigrained manna and it shall be good”.
Then I realized, whoa, this is just a chicken sandwich. It’s good, but it’s…not phenomenol.
It’s just a sandwich.
That day I decided to stop taking the vicodin. I figured if I kept taking it then chicken sandwiches would only attain this level of attraction while I was on the pills and I would have to take more and more vicodin just to make the chicken sandwiches palatable.
My surgeon told me I had great self control and I didn’t know how to tell her it had nothing to do with self control, I just didn’t want to ruin chicken sandwiches.