To Walk

A few months ago a friend of mine was going through a break up. Things were not going well, she was very upset. I suggested to her that she go out and buy a pair of shoes, something that made her feel sexy. When the time came, and she would know when that time was, she was to put on those shoes and walk away from that relationship forever.
She took my advice, bought those shoes and it worked. The transformation in her was amazing.
A few weeks ago she popped up and asked me, “Heather, have you bought your shoes yet?”. D’oh! I’d forgotten to buy my shoes. I tasked Owen to join me on this shopping mission, to help me pick out my shoes. We went to Nordstrom (because if you want to buy something symbolic and you want the best service, this is where you go). I tried on a few pairs and settled on my shoes. Cheaper than I expected by a long shot, too.
These shoes symbolize independence to me and I will think of that every time I put them on. As I was pondering what this new found independence meant, how my life would change as I embraced it more and more every day. Every situation that I came up with had the same feel to it. For me, independence boiled down to one thing, summed up in a Mike Doughty line…
Finally, I don’t mind, I’m not as smart as you require
I’ll spend my time taking the longer way to get somewhere because I don’t know the shortcut, my clothes probably won’t match as well as before, things that I do won’t be as efficient, my walls will be decorated with things that I like, even if they don’t all go together. These things will happen and I will make foolish decisions but they will be mine to make and though, to the outside observer, they will seem dumb, I will own them as mine completely.
I’m a silly little person, for the first time in my life I’m making decisions by myself. It scares me not to have the input of someone more logical, someone smarter than me, but I’ll find a way to do this and I’ll wear my shoes while I’m doing it.