It’s True

I am the most charming person you will ever meet. Seriously. You will never meet a more gracious and charming person than me!
People are charmed by me.
I charm people
I am charming.
Also, Jason is the awesomest guy in any room.


One of the most calming things I do is turn off the outside lights on my house and go sit on the front steps at night and watch the bats fly around. They don’t fly like birds, they move like kids on swings. Sometimes gentle, sometimes with intent, but always rhythmically, back and forth.

I’ve Sunk So Low

I can’t find the bottle opener. I’m standing in the kitchen screaming, “I just want a beer…and a cigarette….and maybe to get laid. No, just a beer!!!”
Yeah, I finally got the beer open, I had my cigarette. Calm…calm…

Adventures in the accounting office

It’s Friday, payroll day. I bring the completed payroll (I keep typing ‘payroll’ as ‘payrool’) and my joyful spirit to the accounting department where we celebrate endlessly my existence. I answer the trivia question, “Who’s your hero?” with “Rickie Fitz” which bring makes everyone look at each other sideways and say, “Do you party?” “What?” “Do you PARTY??”.
Then everyone asked me if it was time to smoke. I get to be the queen of the accounting office because whenever I have to smoke I go over there and make one of them go outside with me. Only one person in the office smoke, but they all get to take turns (or go as a group) going outside with me as I smoke. During our smoke breaks they tell me their problems, I give advice and everyone is happy. Alas, I started the day with only 4 cigarettes, 2 were smoked on the way to work, one was smoked on a break with another person who got my last cigarette. No smoke break.
So we did the only reasonable thing, Jessie grabbed me and we went to the convenience store and I bought hugely overpriced cigarettes, then over to McDonalds where we picked up food for other people (read my earlier post about not paying for food when you can get it for free) and back to the accounting office.
People got their food and we went out to smoke. First just me and the doyen of accounting went out, he told me his personal issues and i listened intently as i smoked and offered up sage advice and encouragement. Then Jessie came out and I was compelled to have another cigarette and we discussed girl on girl wrestling and THUG LIFE tattoos and hair care.
Then the doyen offered to let me watch him take off his shirt as he changed to go for a walk, I accepted, he got shy. Dammit.
I love the accounting office and they love me (well, except for one person in the accounting office who filed a complaint against me for being flippant, but I think she’s gonna get hers real soon). I’m gonna miss them when I go.