I am having a really cranky day today.
Get ready to be appalled…
Friday night we decided to go to the drive-in (more on that later). We drove to the grocery store and stocked up on drive-in food. That night I ate salami, miracle whip, licorice, beef jerky, hawaiian punch, malt cups, triscuits, and gummi peaches.
The next day I had the rest of the salami for lunch, then ate snacks the rest of the day. The big snack of the day was Cheez Flavored Puffcorn Curls (you know Puffcorn Curls…Yeah you do…Your grandma makes that weird caramel corn with the plain variety). At 1 a.m. my blood sugar hit dangerously low levels and I ate a handful of triscuits and a cherry yogurt after I ate an entire bag of licorice whips while lying in bed reading a book.
Sunday was better, Burger King chicken sandwich, their new fries (even crappier than their old fries – they need to stop coating them with various forms of cardboard dust, I mean who do they have taste testing these things anyway? Pudding experts?) and a frozen Minute Maid Cherry thing. Then I got a giant doughnut from Tobies (if you dont know Tobies, I am sorry). Then off to my inlaws for fathers day bbq’d chicken.
If you are lying in bed about to get up and you hear the person you live with (girlfriend, spouse, terrorist kidnapper) talking to the cats saying this:
C’mon, eat it…eat it Chiva…you too, Cocoa, kill it…eat it…come on I don’t want to pick it up with toilet paper…ack…aaaaack
your wisest course of action is to stay in bed. Just roll over and feign sleep or death, whichever is more convincing.
For the record, it was a big centipede out there. Considering my near phobic level of fear for centipedes, I think my decision to stay in bed was a good one.
This is the second monster-sized centipede in as many weeks. All the extra rain is driving them inside.