Watched the NBC show ‘Ed’ last night. I was so entranced by boredom that when I had to vomit in disgust over the lameness of the show, I forgot to open my mouth. As a result my brain is covered in chunks of homemade chicken pot pie.

The name “Front Page” is just a marketing ploy. You wouldnt buy a product called “Unholy Code Scrambling Piece of Shit”, its original name.

I get home from work and I am a bit peckish so I grab the ice cream from the freezer and go to grab a bowl. I pause. I will be leaving to go to my in-laws for dinner soon, so there is no need to actually scoop it into a bowl since I’ll only have a little bit. I grab the bucket and scamper into the office to email/play solitaire/listen to music/talk to the cats. As I listen to ‘Napoleon’ by Ani DiFranco I try to belt out the line “How dare you complain to me”, but find it hard to convey sufficient bad-ass when my mouth is stuffed full of Edy’s Swiss Orange.

you are the moon that controls my body’s tides